


I'll Give You The Sun

by hitmyheart



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Donghyuck is pampered, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, M/M, Parents Jaehyun and Taeyong, Post-Break Up, johnten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 13:12:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18235370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitmyheart/pseuds/hitmyheart
Summary: It took a reunion concert, coming back to Seoul, living at their old dorm, being a roommate, and sharing some personal space again for Mark and Donghyuck to finally fix their broken relationship.





	I'll Give You The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm back! This is my first long oneshoot. It took me longer than I've planned to finish this but it's finally here. I'm so happy I can finally share this story with you guys >< Big thanks for Cam for always helping me proofreading this monster fic. You're the best ♡   
> I hope you guys will enjoy this. Happy reading ♡

* * *

 

The call came on a bright Sunday morning when Donghyuck just arrived at his apartment after running an errand at the supermarket nearby. He did not expect the call at all and almost dropped his phone when he saw the name of a staff from SM Entertainment flashed on the screen. Donghyuck knew it must have be something important and his prediction was right. He stood still as he quietly listened the staff talking from the other line. His face went blank after the phone call had ended. It took him a while to reach the living room and slumped down on the couch. His breathing was heavy and his chest heaving as if someone just punched him in the gut.

A reunion concert for 127. Meeting his members again after seven years since their disbandment.

Donghyuck was having a hard time trying to comprehend the whole situation. He knew it would eventually happen because the members have talked a lot before the disbandment. NCT 127 decided to disband 10 years after their debut. Their contract had ended and all of them agreed that it was the time to try something new, something they couldn't do when they were still on the team.

They went on a different path. Sicheng flew back to China to pursue a career as an actor, Yuta was back to Japan to continue his solo career, Mark went to the States to start his solo career as well. Johnny flew back to Chicago to continue his family's business. He was the only one who took a dramatic of turn of his career but the others were very supportive of him. Taeyong embarked a career as a designer and made several of his own clothing lines, meanwhile the rest of the members decided to re-new the contract with SM.

Donghyuck kept in touch with his members. He still met with some of them from time to time but after his last tour ended almost two years ago, he went back to Busan to rest and take a break from the Entertainment world. Having a reunion concert meant he had to comeback to Seoul. And coming back to Seoul meant he would meet his members again. All of them. Including someone he avoided the most. Someone he hadn't seen for the last seven years. Someone whose name never escaped his lips again. Someone he had tried so hard to forget.

Closing his eyes tightly, Donghyuck tried to control his breathing. He convinced himself that he would be fine. It was just a reunion concert. It wouldn’t take long. After it ended, he would comeback to Busan again and never see him again. It was just a temporary meeting. It won't change anything. Donghyuck was determined not to let the walls that he'd built up for so long crumble down once he saw him again. 

With a new determination, Donghyuck got up from his seat and went to his room to pack his things.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck arrived at Seoul around nine a.m and the manager told him to go straight to their old dorm—a place they used to live in together when they were still in 127. Jaehyun and Taeyong were the only members who were still living there after their disbandment and a year later after they got married, the company decided to give it to them as a wedding present. The place held so many memories and the couple was more than grateful to receive it.

Donghyuck was nervous and his body couldn't stop shaking the closer he got to the dorm. It had been awhile since he came back to Seoul and met his members and he still didn't know who had arrived there. He didn't dare check the group chat because he was afraid he would see his name again. He knew it was stupid. He would meet him anytime soon now but he thought as long as there was still time to avoid it, then he would do anything. He wasn't ready and quite honestly he didn't know when would he ever be ready. Probably never.

When the car finally pulled into the familiar driveway, Donghyuck took his time to calm himself before he slid out of the car and walked into the building. He chose to take the stairs, walking as slow as possible. When he finally stood in front of the door, he counted to three before knocking on it. It only took a few seconds until Donghyuck heard rustling sound inside as if someone had waited for his arrival. A moment later, a very smiley Taeyong appeared in front of him. As soon as he saw Donghyuck, he lunged forward and crushed him in a very, very tight hug. Donghyuck playfully scoffed but hugged him back, patting his back gently. He had to admit that he missed the leader.

“Donghyuckie!” he cooed, swinging their bodies to left and right. He smooched his cheeks with kisses and Donghyuck didn't have a heart to dodge them. “My big baby. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, hyung,” he said sincerely. “But you need to let me go now because I can't breathe.”

“Oops, sorry.”

Taeyong let him go but not before he squeezed the air out of him. He held Donghyuck's face in his hands and his eyes became watery as he stared at him. Donghyuck instantly softened. He knew that no matter how many years had passed, Taeyong would always see him as the maknae, the baby of the group. Even though technically, in NCT, the real maknae was Jisung. But in 127, Donghyuck was their babies.

“You've grown a lot since the last time I’ve seen you,” he said, scanning his face. But then he frowned and his lips jutted out, clearly unsatisfied with something. “And you're so skinny now. Where are your mochi cheeks?”

Donghyuck pouted and dropped his eyes, knowing that his puppy eyed like would melt the leader.

“Feed me?”

Taeyong tsked loudly before pulling the smaller inside.

“Put your shoes on the racks,” he reminded him. “I will not tolerate it if I ever see dirty shocks on the floor.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “Yes, _mom_.”

Donghyuck took his shoes off and put them on the racks. Taeyong looked satisfied when he saw that, smiling brightly at him. He was still the same Taeyong like Donghyuck used to know. He hadn't changed and it made Donghyuck felt at ease just by looking at his face.

“You're the first one to come. As expected you’re always early.” Taeyong informed him as he led him into the living room. “The others will arrive tomorrow morning.”

Donghyuck let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He was relief to know that he didn't have to deal with his members tonight. It wasn't like he didn't miss them— _except that someone_ —but he was tired after a long drive from Busan to Seoul. All he wanted to do right now was getting some rest.

As Donghyuck took in the sight around him, a wave of nostalgia instantly hit him. The dorm was a duplex apartment. It was big with five rooms, a kitchen, a living room, and six bathrooms. It had slightly changed now. It was more spacious. It used to be stuffy because it contained ten people' stuffs and everything was scattered everywhere. Now a lot of frames were hanging in the walls, including Jaehyun and Taeyong's wedding picture. It was more bright and colorful with a big box of toys in the corner of the room.

“Where's Jaehyunie hyung?” Donghyuck asked as he followed Taeyong to the kitchen and then plopped down in one of the chairs.

“He went to his parents' house to pick up Noah.” he replied. “They should be back soon.”

Noah was their five-year-old son. Shortly after their marriage, Jaehyun and Taeyong decided to adopt. Noah was still a baby when they took him home. It was a wonder how as the baby grew older, he looked so much like their real son. His features were a mix of them both. His skin was fair like Jaehyun, his nose and lips were also resembled him, but his jaw and eyes looked exactly like Taeyong's. Noah was a very sweet and lovable kid. He could easily snatch everyone’s heart and people doted on him. In NCT, Only Jaehyun and Taeyong who were married and had a kid. The rest of the members were either single or in a relationship. That was why Noah was being spoiled to the fullest by his nine other uncles.

“Hyung, I don't think I can eat right now,” Donghyuck said when he saw Taeyong taking out some ingredients from the fridge. The leader already had his sleeves rolled up to his elbow. “I just want to sleep.”

Taeyong gave him a look.

“No,” he said. “You just arrived and you haven't have dinner yet, right? You have to eat first. I'll run a warm bath for you. After that, you can take a rest. I've already made the bed.”

Donghyuck knew he couldn't say no to Taeyong, not when he used his leader voice like that. In the end, he obliged and helped him cook. It had been awhile since he cooked with Taeyong. They used to cook together with Doyoung and Jaehyun too.

They talked while cooking, catching up with each other. A few minutes later, they heard footsteps coming from the entrance and then Jaehyun appeared with Noah who's sound asleep in his arms.

“Jaehyunie hyung!”

Jaehyun's eyes lighted up when he saw Donghyuck. Careful not to shift Noah in his arms, he slowly walked over them. Taeyong turned off the stove and approached his husband, taking Noah into his arms. Jaehyun smiled and leaned down to kiss his forehead lovingly. Donghyuck watched them interact and felt a dash of envy flooded him. He adored their relationship because it was so beautifully functional. They had a very strong bond and had been through a lot together. The stare Jaehyun gave Taeyong when he thought nobody was looking was still the same like many years ago; soft and loving. It still didn't change at all. Donghyuck didn't believe the line _you complete me_ because it sounded too cliché for him, but in their case, that line matched them perfectly. They were each other's missing half. Everybody needed somebody like that in their life. They were the happiest couple Donghyuck had ever known in his entire life. People looked up to them. They were simply goals. And sometimes, when loneliness slipped through him, he wished he had someone he could share _you complete me_ line with.

“I'll take him to the bed.” Taeyong said. He then turned to Donghyuck and continued, “I'll be right back after tucking him in.”

“Wait, let me kiss him first.”

Donghyuck kissed Noah's forehead and cheek before letting them go. After they left, Jaehyun turned to Donghyuck and opened his arms widely. The smaller quickly threw himself at him, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun's waist. He tilted his head up and Jaehyun smiled as he leaned down to give the maknae a gentle kiss on the forehead.

“Hey, my big baby,” he said, chuckling. “I missed you.”

Donghyuck buried his face in Jaehyun's chest.

“Missed you too, hyung,”

Jaehyun patted his head gently. “You've grown a lot.”

Donghyuck grunted. “You and Taeyongie hyung said the same thing. You guys sound like my parents.”

Jaehyun just laughed, holding him tighter. A moment later Taeyong came to the kitchen again to prepare dinner for Donghyuck. The three of them sat down together, talking about their recent activities. When Donghyuck had finished his dinner, Taeyong led him to the room next to his and Jaehyun’s. He did run a warm bath for him and to show his gratitude, Donghyuck kissed his cheek and mumbled a small 'thank you, mom' like he used to do when they were still on the group. Taeyong beamed at him before kissing him goodnight.

Later that night, after tucking himself to bed, Donghyuck lay on his back and blinked at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep thinking about tomorrow. He still didn't know what he should do once he met him again. It was too late to run away. He had to eventually face him and there was nothing he could do to change that. Donghyuck could feel that something was coming. He put his hand over his heart as if he could keep its content from spilling out.

That night, he fell asleep with a heavy heart and an image of a certain Canadian boy hunted him down in his dream.  

 

* * *

 

The first time Donghyuck woke up, it was just after dawn. He could hear muffled voices outside and then came the sound of pots and pans clanging. Taeyong was probably in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Feeling cold and still tired, he pulled the blanket up until his chin and tried to go back to sleep again.

The second time Donghyuck woke up, it was because somebody was yelling. And then the door of his room flung open with a loud bang. A very jumpy and overjoyed Doyoung appeared and threw himself at Donghyuck, startling the younger.

“Donghyuck-ah, my baby, hyung missed you so much!”

Doyoung started to shower his face with kisses, earning a loud whine from the younger. Donghyuck pushed Doyoung off of him, pulling the blanket up his face when the latter tried to kiss him again.

“Go away, hyung! I want to sleep.”

Doyoung let out a gasp. “Don't you miss me? Your favorite hyung? It's been years!”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes even though Doyoung couldn't see it.

“You're not my favorite. I like Taeil hyung better than you.”

“How could you,” Doyoung gasped, clutching his heart as if it hurt. “I've practically raised you since you were still a baby, you ungrateful brat!”

Donghyuck groaned again as Doyoung pulled him against his chest, spooning him. He threw his leg over Donghyuck's waist, locking him in his arms. The smaller tried to squirm. It was still too early to deal with his over dramatic hyung. Luckily, someone came in time to save him.

“Doyoung, you're going to make him unconscious with your death grip.”

Donghyuck quickly pulled the blanket down his face as heard the familiar voice. He lifted his head up and instantly brightened up when he saw Johnny leaned against the door, crossing his arms over his chest. He was smiling as he looked at the smaller, the same warm and gentle smile that he liked.

“Johnny hyung!” Donghyuck squealed, holding out his hands for him. He whined again when Doyoung squeezed him, making him not able to move. Johnny chuckled as he walked over to the bed.

“Let him go, Doyoung.”

Donghyuck wriggled from Doyoung's grip and this time the latter let him. He kicked the blanket off his body and giggled happily as Johnny lifted him up into his arms. Donghyuck wrapped his legs around Johnny's hips, hugging him tightly. Johnny hugged him back just as tight, kissing his temple gently.

“I missed you, big baby,” Johnny said softly. “It's been awhile.”

Donghyuck buried his face in his neck, his eyes stung. The last time he saw Johnny was in Taeyong and Jaehyun's wedding. He was very busy trying to catch up with his family business and helped his father expanded it that he couldn’t come to the regular meet-ups. It's been years and Donghyuck couldn't help but feel emotional.

“Hey, hey, don't cry,” Johnny said, swaying his body slightly. “It's too early to get emotional. You haven't met everyone yet. You can cry later.”

“I’m not crying!"

Donghyuck said but his chocked voice and a sob that escaped his lips betrayed his statement.

“You don't love me anymore,” Doyoung chimed in, faking another sob. “How could you cling to Johnny hyung like that but pushed me away? I'm so hurt.”

Eyes red and cheeks wet with tears, Donghyuck lifted his head and turned around only to stick his tongue out at Doyoung who looked scandalized now.

“That's it,” he said. “You need to be beaten for being such an ungrateful brat.”

Doyoung made an attempt to get off the bed but Johnny quickly turned around, still with Donghyuck in his arms, and ran out of the room. Donghyuck laughed as he wrapped his arms around Johnny's neck. It amazed him how even after years Johnny was still strong enough to carry him.

When they reached the living room, Donghyuck's eyes widened as he realized that it was already crowded. Everyone was there. The first one who caught his eyes was Yuta, sitting on the couch with Sicheng on his side. Taeil and Jungwoo were on the floor, building a lego tower with Noah.

“Hyung!”

The four grown-ups looked up at the same time as they heard Donghyuck's cheery voice. Johnny settled him down carefully and the first one who got up to approach him was Yuta. The Japanese man opened his arms and Donghyuck ran toward him, giggling as Yuta caught him by the waist. The older dropped a kiss on top of his head and Donghyuck squeezed him.

“I see you've missed me so much, hm? Can't live without me?”

Donghyuck pinched his tummy playfully.

“You're the one who can't live without me.”

Yuta laughed and Donghyuck laughed with him. Sicheng came up to him after Yuta released him from his arms. The Chinese guy hugged him and patted him in the head, asking about his well-being. Taeil and Jungwoo gave him a bear-hug, squeezing him in the middle. Donghyuck felt warm all over. It felt as if no time had ever passed. Everything was like how it used to be back in the day when they were still together.

After the welcome session had ended, Donghyuck cried a little more again but quickly wiped it. If any of them noticed, they didn't say anything because from his peripheral look, he saw Jungwoo and Doyoung shed some tears too.

“Doyoung-ah, can you come over here and help me out?”

Taeyong called out from the kitchen. Doyoung pulled Donghyuck with him, not letting the younger protest. After all, the three of them used to be in charge of cooking in the dorm. Donghyuck was still happy after meeting his members again and he was smiling as he made his way to the kitchen.

And then he walked into the kitchen and his steps instantly came to a halt. His breath hitched, his smile fell from his face, and all the happiness he felt was replaced with uneasiness and anxiousness. Even after seven years, Donghyuck would recognize that back everywhere. He was there, his back facing him. Donghyuck had a sudden urge to turn around and run way but then he turned around and their eyes locked again for the first time after seven years.

Mark Lee was standing several feet away from him, unmoving as well. Donghyuck noticed how his head jerked slightly, like something had brushed his ear, like he didn't expect to see him at all. As Donghyuck stared at him, he also noticed how little he'd changed since he had last seen him. With his shirt tucked loosely into ripped jeans, he could see the same broad shoulders he remembered, tapering down to narrow hips and a flat stomach. He was even taller now and his skin was fairer than he remembered. It was obvious that he just arrived. But above all, he looked just the same and something deep inside Donghyuck squeezed painfully.

Donghyuck stared at Mark.

Mark stared back at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck wanted to move, to say something, but he couldn't. All he could do was staring at him, brain short circuited and chest heaving. He stood frozen, his gut knotting. A heavy sense of dread had his heart racing and cold sweat started to coat his skin.

After what seemed like forever, Donghyuck did not expect Mark to speak first.

“ _Donghyuck_.”

Donghyuck's throat closed. The way he said his name felt so foreign, as if it was the very first time he said that. It stung but Donghyuck had anticipated everything so he cracked a small smile, one that didn't reach his eyes.

“ _Mark_.” he said back but it came out as a whisper.

Mark swallowed thickly, his adam apple bopping up and down. He looked like he wanted to say something more but held himself back and pressed his lips together. Donghyuck watched as he pushed the hair back from his eyes, a gesture he knew so well and for a moment he saw a young boy that he was, and remembered the day he first met him at the practice room twenty years ago. The years they spent together, their trainee days, the years as babies Shinki, the years as 127 and Dream, the years as lovers, and then the years they had spent apart. Everything was colliding, past and present. Suddenly it was just too much for Donghyuck to take and he quickly looked away, a new sob rising in his throat.

“I...” he said, voice wobbled slightly. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Donghyuck caught the worried looks from his hyungs but he quickly turned around, knowing that he would burst into tears if he didn't escape from the suffocating silence. He could feel Mark's heavy gaze on his back but he ignored it and quickly went to his room and locked it. He slumped against the door, squeezing his eyes shut and fighting back the tears.

Everything was coming back to him in full force. Their first encounter after seven years made Donghyuck realized that Mark still had the same effect on him. He hated how he reacted earlier and he hated how weak he was. He needed to toughen up because he was going to spend times with him for God knows how long and this was only the beginning. 

For now, Donghyuck needed to clear his mind before facing the reality.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck knew the members were perfectly aware that at some points, things would be awkward between him and Mark. How could it not? They knew the couple had ended things right after their disbandment. None of them believed it at first. They knew it didn't end well even though they didn't know why it was like that. Thankfully, they never pestered Donghyuck and Mark with questions. They deemed them mature enough to decide what's good in their life and didn’t interfere their personal matters.

Mark never returned to Seoul again after he flew back to the States. He didn't even come to Taeyong and Jaehyun's wedding—which made Taeyong upset but their leader was always so loving and understanding so he let him slide. He never came to the group’s regular meet-ups. He disappeared out of thin air and this was the very first time he came back to Seoul again after seven years. How the company even managed to convince him to join the reunion concert was beyond Donghyuck.

They never talked again after their break up. Donghyuck knew that Mark still talked with his other members and met up with Johnny pretty often because they were in the States and it was easier for them to meet. He would be lying if he didn’t look out for him once in a while. Mark had a successful solo career. He produced his own albums and won several awards the past seven years. Donghyuck couldn’t even completely get rid of him because his ex was literally everywhere. His name popped out on the news from time to time and it was painful to see him being so happy away from him. But that was the reality. Mark had moved on and Donghyuck had learnt how to let go.

Since they were going to start as a group again, Donghyuck had decided that he would try to be civil and treated him like a mere acquaintance. It was impossible for him to act as if nothing happened between them because those years they've spent together were something he treasured the most, no matter how badly things ended between them. Their unbalanced dynamic could affect the group and it was the last thing he wanted. This reunion concert was not just about him and Mark. It was about the ten of them and Donghyuck would never mess it up just because he couldn't stand Mark. What happened between them was in the past and Donghyuck was a grown up now. And he was professional. He won't let personal feelings get in the way.

After taking unnecessary long shower, Donghyuck came out of the room right when Taeyong called out his name, telling him that the breakfast was ready. The kitchen was too small for ten grown-ups men so Taeyong and Jaehyun set a big table in the living room. It was their first breakfast together after seven years and Taeyong had gone as far as making a feast to feed them all.

Donghyuck plopped down next to Taeil and immediately linked their arms, leaning his head on his shoulder. The older just smiled at him knowingly and patted his head gently. Donghyuck was really thankful for his silent support. He then threw his eyes across the table and he couldn’t help but feel hurt when Mark didn't even knowledge his presence, talking animatedly with Sicheng and pinching his cheeks like he used to do to the Chinese guy. There was nothing between them and Donghyuck wasn't supposed to feel anything again. Not wanting to think about it, he swallowed the big lump on his throat and started to dig in.

Now that they have gathered together, everyone had their own stories to share. For a moment they were back to the early days of their debut when they were still young, naive, and the only thing that kept them alive was singing and dancing. They talked and laughed together, reminiscing the past. Noah looked so happy with the bright atmosphere, giggling as he was being moved from one lap to another. Donghyuck just smiled and listened tentatively, basking in the moment.

After the breakfast had ended, they played rock-paper-scissors to decide who would do the dishes—God, they were still so childish—and Donghyuck cursed his luck because of course it had to be him and Mark. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Mark was the one who looked away. Donghyuck pretended it didn’t hurt.

“All right, kids,” Doyoung said, clapping happily. “Now go and clean those dirty plates.”

Donghyuck gave him a dirty look but wordlessly brought the dirty plates to the kitchen with Mark trailing behind him.

“Hey,” Yuta appeared out of nowhere, startling both Mark and Donghyuck. They turned around and found the Japanese guy was eyeing them. There was something in his eyes that they couldn't pin point.

“Whatever happens between the two of you, please don’t start throwing things around and act like crazy ex-boyfriends.”

Donghyuck gasped, scandalized. Meanwhile Mark blanched.

“Yuta hyung, I would never do that!” Donghyuck exclaimed.

“Good. Do the dishes now.”

And then, just like that, he was gone.

Mark and Donghyuck stood before the sink, next to each other. There was a safe space between them but it still managed to make Donghyuck feel suffocated with the proximity. He started to wash the dishes and wordlessly gave the already cleaned plate to Mark so the latter could towel them dry.

The kitchen was quiet and the silence between was thick. They worked silently and then after a very long moment of suffocated silence, Mark finally spoke again for the first time.

“How are you?”

It was a very simple question but Donghyuck almost dropped the plate he was holding when he heard that. He bit his lower lip, trying not to tremble. This was something he avoided the most. Having a casual conversation with Mark was ten times harder than breathing in the same air and be in the same room as him.

Donghyuck swallowed thickly before answered the question.

“Good.” he said.

“Good.” he repeated.

A moment of silence.

"How about you?"

It took Mark a while to answer. When he spoke again, his voice was even.

“Fine, I guess,” he said. And then he continued in a lower voice, “It's been awhile.”

Donghyuck's throat closed. “Yeah, it has.”

And that was all. Their conversation stopped. None of them talked after that. Only the sound was of water running down the sink that could be heard. The silence was painfully unbearable and when they finally finished everything, Donghyuck was the first one who bolted out the kitchen, unaware of the lingering gaze that followed him.

 

* * *

 

The meeting in the company took hours. They carefully planned out everything, taking all the opinions of the members and trying to come up with the best solutions. Beside the concert in Seoul and Japan, the company wanted them to film a variety show for the fans too. The official news would be released next week. There would be a lot of press conference and interviews to attend. It would take approximately three to four months to wrap up everything—Donghyuck' shoulders invisibly slumped as he took in the information. God, it took way longer than he expected but he didn't voice it out.

They agreed to live in the dorm again and the practice would start tomorrow morning. They had a lot to catch up. They weren't young anymore and it would be a pain in the ass to do daily exercises.

By the time the meeting had ended, it was already past dinner time. Johnny suggested them to eat outside and all of them agreed. They didn't have to worry about Noah because he would stay at Jaehyun's parents' house for the next week because they would be busy with intense practices and there would be no one to look out for him, which made the leader sad for being separated with his baby but Jaehyun assured him that they would have a video call every day.

They arrived at the dorm around twelve, stomach full but exhausted. Now they had to talk about who's going to room with whom. They could have roomed with their old roommate but the members agreed to try something new. They would write their name on slips of paper and pick them randomly. Taeyong had playfully written his name too but Jaehyun quickly snatched it away and pulled his husband into his lap.

“There's no way in hell I would let you sleep with them, baby,” Jaehyun said and pinched Taeyong's nose playfully, earning a giggle from the leader.

Doyoung made a fake gagging sound.

“You guys are so disgusting.”

Jaehyun stuck his tongue out. “You're just being petty and jealous.”

Doyoung just gave him a dirty look meanwhile the others laughed at his antics. Donghyuck offered himself to pick first but the others quickly pushed him to sit and wait because he would be the last one to pick, making him pout and sulk. The first one who got to pick was Taeil because he was the oldest. He got Johnny's name and the two of them fist bumped together, clearly satisfied with the result. Yuta was the next one to pick. He groaned in distaste when he got Doyoung's name.

“God, why am I so unlucky?” he cried out, earning a kick on the shin from Doyoung. They continued bickering but none of the members tried to stop them because it was just how they were around each other.

Donghyuck waited with a beating heart as Sicheng took his time to pick the paper. Please let it be him, he thought. Or Mark. Whichever. There was no way Donghyuck could be in the same room with his ex-bandmate slash  ex-boyfriend again. As he watched Sicheng picked the paper and open it painfully slowly, he realized that he wasn't the only who waited for the result. The chat had died down as all of the members waited for the Chinese guy to announce the result.

_Please let it be me. Please let it be me_.

“Jungwoo.”

_Oh, Fuck_.

Donghyuck closed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth together. This wasn't happening. He wasn't going to be in the same room with Mark again. This was only his imagination. There was no way in hell he could be this unlucky to share the same room with someone he avoided the most. Someone who was supposed to be his past. Someone who he wished he didn't see anymore.

Donghyuck heard a muffled gasps and when he opened his eyes again, he saw Taeyong clutched Jaehyun's torso, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Doyoung was staring at him, worry and shock were evident on his face. Johnny, Taeil, and Yuta looked worried for the first time since this morning. They had done a good job masking their facial expression and acted normal around them. But now their masks had slipped and it made Donghyuck felt even worse. Meanwhile Sicheng and Jungwoo grew quiet, looking somehow guilty even though it wasn't their fault that Sicheng just so happened take Jungwoo's paper.

Donghyuck bravely lifted his head but immediately froze because Mark was already staring at him. It was the very first time they stared into each other’s eyes again and it sent a sharp jolt through him and he shivered. Donghyuck watched him and cataloged every flinch, every flick of his eyes, and tried to figure out what they meant. He used to pride himself for knowing Mark like the back of his hand. He knew him better than the latter knew himself. But it was when they were still together, when things were good between them and they were very much in love. It was their first encounter after seven years and Donghyuck realized with a gaping bleeding heart that things weren't the same anymore. It was really hard to read him now because his thoughts didn't play across his face, not anymore. His face blank and his eyes were void of all emotions. Or maybe it was just Donghyuck who had lost the ability to read him.

“Well,” Taeyong said after a loaded moment of silence, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could to ease the sinking atmosphere around them. “The roommate has been decided then. My room and Jaehyunie are downstairs. Feel free to take other rooms.”

There were two rooms downstairs and three rooms upstairs. Johnny and Taeil decided to occupy the room next to Jaehyun and Taeyong's meanwhile the rest of them started to take their luggage upstairs. Donghyuck was the last one to collect his belongings. He couldn't even look at Mark, not after knowing what was coming after him. Right before he went upstairs, Taeyong caught his wrist to stop him.

“Donghyuckie, do you want to change rooms?” he asked straight out, not even hiding his worry anymore. “I can talk to Johnny and Taeil. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you wanted to switch rooms.”

It sounded very, very tempting. Things would be so much easier if Donghyuck changed his spot and roomed with another member. He was tempted to say yes but he was aware that despite their worry, there was also a tiny little hope sparkling in their eyes. He knew that his members wanted things to be back as how it used to be. When everyone could get along together just fine.

Donghyuck wasn't a coward. He knew sooner or later he would face Mark, their problem, and whatever it left between them. He just didn't expect things to turn like this. Three months sounded like a nightmare but for the sake of his members, he would swallow his fears.

“It's okay, hyung,” he said, giving him a small smile even though he knew it could never ease the leader's uneasiness. “I'm going to be fine. I used to be his roommate, too. It wouldn't be that hard.”

_Liar. Liar. Liar._

Taeyong didn’t look convinced. “But...”

“Hyung,” Donghyuck squeezed Taeyong's hand reassuringly. “Trust me, okay? I can do this.”

Taeyong looked troubled but then he gave in and nodded. He lunged forward to give him extra-long hug and kissed his forehead lovingly before entering his own room. After taking a deep breath, Donghyuck climbed upstairs and prepared his heart for whatever waiting for him behind the door.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck pushed the door open and slid inside. He immediately noticed Mark's presence, crouching down next to the foot of the bed, his back facing him as he rummaged inside his luggage. Donghyuck could see from where he was standing how his body went stiff as the smaller entered the room. He slowly turned around and looked at him. Donghyuck almost ran away right then and there, but forced himself to stay rooted in his place.

“Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?”

Donghyuck didn't even think twice to nod. Mark nodded stiffly before disappearing into the bathroom. Donghyuck walked to the other side of the bed and settled his luggage down the floor. He opened it and took out his toiletries. It didn't take long for Mark to finish—he was always quick and practical.

“You can use the bathroom now.”

Donghyuck nodded again without saying anything. He walked past Mark who was still standing next to the bathroom and slid inside without looking at him. As he stood before the sink while brushing his teeth, getting ready to sleep, it finally occurred to him that he was going to be roommates with Mark. This was happening. He was going to be in the same room and breathe in the same air with someone who had once he loved but that very someone was also the one who broke his heart in pieces and made him dysfunctional.

Donghyuck brought his hand over his collarbone and took out the ring that was still tucked safely under his hoodie, tracing it gently. He felt something tug at his heart and he quickly blinked back the tears. The ring was supposed to be on his third finger but after he broke up with Mark, he couldn't bear the thought of wearing it again. Making it as a necklace was his way to still have it but didn’t have to see it. He just needed to feel it because looking at it would only bring old memories.

It wasn't an expensive ring. Mark told him that it was actually his mother's wedding ring that had been in her family for years and bought over by her mother. It was a simple silver band. When Mark gave it to him, Donghyuck remembered he broke down in tears because it represented the highest forms of a commitment, a sign that they belonged to each other. It was something he treasured the most. It was a constant reminder of his past and he hated himself for never be able to take it off. He just couldn't.

Tucking the ring back inside his hoodie again, Donghyuck splashed his face with the cold water to wash any traces of tears in his eyes and toweled it dry before sliding out the of bathroom.

 

* * *

 

When Donghyuck emerged from the bathroom, he was surprised to find Mark was standing next to the bed, waiting for him. He stood there awkwardly, shifting from one foot to another, a gesture the smaller knew so well and for a moment Donghyuck could see through his façade. The blank face and awkward gaze reminded him of the young guy he used to know.

“There’s only one bed here,” he said, breaking the silence.

Donghyuck just blinked, not quite comprehending his meaning.

“We have to share the bed.”

Donghyuck stayed unfazed at the statement. While he was aware that there was only one bed, it bagan to fully sink in that he would not only be in the same room with Mark, but he would also have to share the same bed with the man. Honestly, he didn't have any energy left to overthink. Today was more than enough torture for him. He was mentally exhausted and all he wanted to do right now was to tuck himself under the covers and fall asleep.

Here he was, back in Seoul, reunited with his ex-boyfriend, about to spend the next three months with him, forced to sleep in the same room as him, and it seemed that now sleeping in the same bed as him would just be another unfortunate event that he would just have to suck up.

“Then we're going to sleep on the same bed,” Donghyuck finally said after a loaded silence, walking to another side of the bed.

Mark swallowed loudly. “But—“

“I'm not going to suggest one of us to sleep on the floor because we're not kids. We’re too old to play childish games like that. I'm not going to cross the line, if that's what you're worried about.”

There was a silence after that. Mark didn't say anything and Donghyuck didn't wait for him. The smaller climbed on the bed first, his back facing where Mark was standing. He felt the bed dip after a few moments and his breath skipped as he felt another presence next to him. Close enough for him to feel the heat but at the same time, not close enough for him to reach.

“You know it's not what I'm worried about,” Mark said all of sudden and for a moment Donghyuck was confused as to what he meant but then the latter continued, “I'm worried that you're going to be uncomfortable with me.”

Mark said in a soft voice and Donghyuck's heart stopped for a moment because he knew that it was real. His concern was genuine and it wasn't the careful and even voice he used when other members were around them. Donghyuck gripped the blanket so hard his knuckles turned white.

“We’re going to do this for the next three months,” he said in an even voice, surprised at how steady he sounded despite his loud beating heart. “I’m doing this for our members and fans. I’m not going to let our past get in the way. We’re professional. I hope you know that and do the same.”

Donghyuck heard Mark suck in a deep breath before he answered in a low voice.

“You’re right.”

The uncomfortable silence that filled the room was dreading. Donghyuck heard some rustling before the room turned pitch black. The last thing he remembered before sleep finally took him was a whisper of his name, so gentle and soft, but he was too tired to realize that it wasn’t a dream. 

 

* * *

 

It was still six in the morning when Donghyuck's alarm went off. He was grumpy and unhappy. He wanted to sleep some more but Doyoung barged into his room, pulling the curtains open to let the morning sun in.

“Rise and shine, sleepy head,” he sing-songed, walking over to Donghyuck and rudely pulled the blanket off his body, making the smaller whine.

“The practice starts at eight, Donghyuck,” he started to nag, smacking his butt playfully. “The others are already downstairs.”

“All right, _Mama_ ,” he made sure to emphasize the nickname, slowly sitting up on the bed. “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Brat,” he scolded without a real heat. His face looked like angry bunny but he silently reached out to ruffle Donghyuck’s bird-nested hair and combed it gently.

“You have fifteen minutes to get ready or you don’t get to eat breakfast.”

From his peripheral peek, Donghyuck noticed that the other side of the bed was empty and cold. Mark was nowhere to be seen. He secretly let out a sigh of relief. At least he didn’t have to face him first thing in the morning.

“Go take a shower now.”

Dongyuck pushed him as he got off the bed.

“Yes, I’ll take a shower. Now, please leave me alone.”

Doyoung smacked his butt again. “Ungrateful brat.”

Donghyuck just giggled as he slid inside the bathroom. It only took him ten minutes to get ready. After throwing a simple black hoodie and black ripped jeans, he went downstairs and found everyone was already there, some in the kitchen and some in the living room. He found Mark was sitting next to Taeil in the living, watching morning news, and he automatically made his way to the kitchen.

“Donghyuckie, here’s your breakfast.”

Taeyong pushed a plate of ham sandwich with extra cheese to him—just how Donghyuck liked it. There was no seat left so Donghyuck nudged Johnny’s legs and fell down on his lap, startling the older who was reading some reports on his phone.

Johnny grunted as he shifted the younger on his lap. “How old are you again?”

“33?”

“You sure act like five.”

Donghyuck just giggled because he knew Johnny didn’t mind.

“How’s Ten hyung?”

Johnny hummed. “Good. He’s in Thailand now.”

Johnny and Ten had on and off relationship ever since they were still trainees. They loved each other but it wasn’t enough. For a very long time Johnny clung to his child dream; getting married to a good girl, being a good husband for his wife, and a good father for his own kids. It was something Ten could never give and then they decided to break up right before Ten debuted with WayV and spent most of his time in China, away from Johnny. It actually took them seven years to get back together again. Right after their disbandment, Johnny made up his mind and tried to win Ten back, which wasn’t easy at all but they managed in the end. They lived together in a nice house in Chicago but Ten still flew back and forth to Thailand and China if he had works. Their relationship was stronger than ever now.

“When are you planning to propose to him?” Yuta who sat across the table casually asked without taking his eyes off from his phone.

“I have, actually,” Johnny replied in the same casual tone as he slowly sipped his morning black coffee. His tone was even as if he was talking about the weather. “We’re going to get married after the Japan tour ends.”

Donghyuck dropped the spoon he was currently holding and it fell on the ground with a loud thud, drawing attention of some of the members in the living room. Yuta chocked on his cereal, his eyes widened as he stared up at Johnny in shocked. Jaehyun and Taeyong who were on the same table mirrored his expression, their jaws dropping.

Donghyuck twisted his waist so he could face Johnny who looked amused at his members’ reactions.

“W…what…” he tried to find the right words. “How…hyung…you…”

Johnny laughed. “Me what?”

“You’re getting married?” Taeyong asked, gaping like a fish. The other members who just stepped into the kitchen heard what he said and their reactions were pretty much the same.

This definitely wasn’t what they were expected to hear. Johnny and Ten were comfortable with their relationship and once they told the members that marriage wasn’t their priority. But now, here he was. About to get married.

“You little shit,” Yuta spat, wiping the crumbs in the corner of his lips with the back of his hand. “Why you didn’t say anything?”

“Um, surprise?”

A fuming but teary-eyed Taeyong approached Johnny and wacked the back of his head, hard enough to make the latter winched in pain.

“You’re not supposed to hide happy news like this!” he scolded, tears already rolling down his cheeks. “Ten didn’t say a thing last night when I called him. I feel betrayed now.”

Donghyuck slid off Johnny’s lap so the taller male could hug Taeyong, comforting his fussing best friend.

“I wasn’t exactly hiding it,” he said, patting Taeyong’s back gently. He chuckled when Taeyong started to hiccup. “I’m just waiting for the right time to break the news.”

Taeil came up behind Johnny and patted his shoulder, smiling proudly at him.

“About time,” he said. “I’m happy for you, Johnny.”

Jungwoo jumped happily and lunged forward to hug him from the back because Johnny was still hugging Taeyong.

“Hyung, that’s very great news! I’m so happy for you. You guys deserve this.”

Johnny was close to tears when the members started to congratulate him. Donghyuck was ecstatic too. He was happy for his brothers, really. He knew they deserved this. But part of him suddenly felt very upset and unfair. It wasn't the perfect timing. Why everyone around them could be happy and in love? Why he was the one who screwed up? Jaehyun and Taeyong were happily married. Johnny and Ten were getting married. Taeil and Jungwoo were in a happy relationship with their girlfriends. Yuta and Sicheng were secretive about their love life but they looked happy just like others. Doyoung was perfectly fine being single. Then what about Donghyuck? Why was he the only one with problems? It just wasn't fair.

Johnny was glowing and smiling like a fool. He looked so much younger now, like a teenager; happy and in love. Donghyuck tried so hard to ignore his aching heart. At that moment, as he averted his gaze, his eyes met Mark’s and if he recognized a hint of regret in them, he chose to ignore it and looked away.

 

* * *

 

 

Falling back into routines was surprisingly easy for them. Their bodies still remembered all the dance moves and automatically reacted to the beat. They just needed some adjustment and get used to it again. It had been years and they were old now. Not even an hour after the practice and all of them were already collapsed on the ground, out of breath.

“I feel like I’m going to die.” Yuta said, sweat trickling down his temple.

“My back aches,” Taeil groaned. He gestured for Jungwoo to come closer to him. “Jungwoo-yah, can you massage my back for a while?”

Jungwoo shook his head in amusement but obliged. “You’re such an old man.”

“Sicheng, how come you look so fine?” Johnny grumbled, staring up at Sicheng who was sweating but looked perfectly fine. “I have a feeling that I won’t be able to get up the bed tomorrow.”

Sicheng laughed. “I never skip my morning exercise. That’s why. And I’m still young.”

“Excuse me, we’re just a year apart,” Doyoung chimed in from where he was sprawled out on his back on the floor, panting.

“And we’re the same age,” Jaehyun added, he was lying on the floor with his head on Taeyong’s stomach. “But I don’t have the same energy as you.”

“You and Taeyongie hyung have Noah. You guys carry twice as much weight than us.”

“You’re right,” Taeyong said. “I can feel my joints cracking.”  

Donghyuck who had been listening quietly blinked at the ceiling, trying to control his ragged breath. It had been awhile since the last time he entered the practice room and danced again. Although he could feel his joints cracking and his back started to acting up, he welcomed them all with a sense of nostalgia. It was exhausting but it also felt nice to be back to the old routines.

Donghyuck rolled to his side and his head jerked when he found Mark was lying right next to him. He pushed his body back rather quickly, his breathing picked up again. How come he didn’t realize his presence?

Mark must have felt his gaze because he turned to face him almost immediately and their eyes met again. The sharp jolt that shot through him made him froze, not able to move. This was the very first time he was this close to Mark and now that he got a chance to properly look at him, Donghyuck could finally see the changes he hadn't noticed before.

Mark’s face had lost the softness of youth. The faint lines around his eyes had deepened. He seemed less innocent, more cautious and guarded. He also looked clean, his jaw freshly shaved, and he looked like he'd just gotten a haircut. Donghyuck swallowed thickly, not being able to tear his gaze away. It was getting hard to look into his eyes; those deep black eyes. The eyes that were drilling into Donghyuck's. There was something in his eyes and they tried to tell Donghyuck something but the smaller refused to acknowledge it. 

Their small moment broke when they heard a throat-clearing sound. Donghyuck quickly sat up straight and found all of his members were already standing. He was pretty sure they caught their brief moment because none of them dared to look at them directly.

“All right, boys,” Taeyong said, his voice echoed the whole room. “Let’s get started again.”

 

* * *

 

The first day of practice lasted almost twelve hours. Taeyong called it a day right before dinner. As soon as the music died down, they fell down to the ground with numb limbs. Their bodies were drowned in a bucket of sweats, sticking to their skin in an uncomfortable way. They needed a shower. And food.

Taeyong quickly told them to get up and get ready to go home. By the time they arrived at the dorm, no one had energy left to cook so they decided to ordere Chinese. Taeyong and Doyoung made sure everyone ate before going to bed.

The next morning, almost all of them complained about their aching bodies. It was a pain to get everyone up and get ready for another round of intense practice. They repeated the routine and by the end of the week, all the members had gotten the hang on it.

The news of their comeback created chaos. Fans started to crowd in front of SM’s building and it was getting harder to go around without fans following them. But at the same time, they were touched by the reactions. They didn’t expect them to welcome them back with such enthusiasm but they were thankful and grateful for the fans. After all, they did the reunion concert for them.  

It was a busy week. After the comeback news had been released, they had to attend a press conference and do multiples interviews. Some of the members got invited to a variety show to talk about their comeback. Everyone was busy, always moving and doing their best.

It was already midnight when Donghyuck finally pulled into the driveway. He just finished filming an interview with Jungwoo and Taeil but both of his hyungs went straight to meet their girlfriends after it ended. They weren’t coming to the dorm tonight and Donghyuck was alone now.

He slid out of the car, thanking his manager for driving him home. The dorm was very still and quiet when he stepped inside. Everyone was probably asleep. He took off his shoes and entered quietly, slightly tiptoeing. The whole room was dark and Donghyuck was careful not to bump into anything or make a noise. He padded over to the kitchen and turned on the lights. He dropped his phone and bag onto the coffee table and wandered around. He checked the fridge and sighed in relief when the plate of kimchi stir-fry that Doyoung made this morning was still in there. He hadn't had dinner and his stomach was growling now. He took it out and heated it up, drumming his fingers on the counter while waiting for it to be ready. After three minutes, Donghyuck grabbed a spoon and brought it to the table. He was halfway through finishing his food when he heard a loud bump and then someone cursing out loud. A moment later, a very sleepy Mark appeared. He was wearing pajama pants and a white T-shirt. His hair was sticking out from everywhere and his eyes weren't completely open. It was clear he just woke up from his slumber.

“Oh, Donghyuck,” Mark mumbled in surprised as he finally noticed his presence. He blinked and looked more awake now. “I… I didn’t know you were there.”

Donghyuck didn’t answer him, silently continued eating.

Mark took a tentative step toward him. “Did you just get home?”

Donghyuck hummed.

“Oh.” he said. And then he didn’t say anything else.

Mark wordlessly walked to the counter. Donghyuck didn’t know what he was doing, probably getting some water to drink. He didn’t want to turn around and quickly stuffed the food into his mouth, chewing quickly and nearly choked. When he was about to stand up, a hand reached out to settle a cup next to his plate. He stared at it in confusion and then looked up at Mark.

“For you,” he said in a low voice. He probably knew that Donghyuck was going to reject it so he quickly added, “Just drink it before you go to sleep. Goodnight.”

Mark quickly bolted out of the kitchen, leaving a very dazed Donghyuck alone. The smaller peeked inside the cup and his stomach dropped as he realized that it was filled warm macha latte, his favorite beverage.

Donghyuck closed his eyes. He was fine before this. The busy schedules helped him distract his mind. He almost forgot his existence and did a good job to keep their distance. But of course Mark had to ruin everything. Donghyuck didn’t need him to act as if he cared about him. He would be happier if Mark could just leave him alone and ignore him because that would be a lot easier for both of them.

Donghyuck gripped the lip of the cup tightly, feeling his heart started to beat again. He stared at it until the drink turned cold and his eyes stung with fresh tears.

Screw Mark Lee and screw the loud thumps of his heart.

 

* * *

 

On a particular bright Sunday, Sicheng suggested everyone to take a run. The other members were reluctant at first but with one word from Taeyong and a gentle push from Jaehyun, everyone was set to go at 6 a.m. Morning exercise wasn't something Donghyuck appreciated the most. It was just something he and his members had to do to maintain their health.

They could only run around the block because of the fear of Noah waking up anytime soon and neither Taeyong nor Jaehyun could leave their baby for more than thirty minutes. The weather was nice and the air smelled fresh. After ten minutes of running, the members looked more alive than before. Donghyuck was in the back, keeping his pace slow. He was bopping his head to the music on his air pods when he felt another presence next to him. He didn’t need to turn to know that it was Mark. Dongyuck didn’t understand why but recently Mark had a tendency to appear out of nowhere and the smaller eventually got used to it.

Donghyuck kept looking straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge his presence. He was about to fasten his jog when suddenly a warm hand caught him by the shoulder, successfully halting his steps.

“What...”

“Your shoelaces,” Mark said casually, gesturing at it with his hand. “Stay still.”

Before Donghyuck could say something, Mark had already crouched down before him. He tried to pull his leg away but Mark gently grabbed it, keeping it firm on the ground. Mark tied his shoelaces quickly and then he straightened his body again before Donghyuck could fully comprehend the whole situation.

“Be careful. You might fall.”

Mark gave him a smile—the kind of smile Donghyuck knew was secretly for him. It was soft, gentle, and unguarded. After that, he turned around and continued running as if what he just did was nothing at all. Donghyuck watched his back going further and suddenly his mind drifted back to when they were still sixteen. At that time they were already debuted. He and Mark used to run together before practice at Han River. They would run five to eight miles a day. They were young and had high stamina. They could go farther than that. Sometimes they spent their weekends running. At dawn, Mark would wake him up. Donghyuck wasn’t really fond of running but he'd run with Mark if that meant spending more time with him. Mark always smelled fantastic in the morning. And even now, he smelled just like his younger self. He smelled like mint toothpaste, a hint of his morning coffee, and all male.

Knowing that it wouldn't be good for him to dive even deeper into the memory, Donghyuck continued running, albeit his face was still in dazed, and trying to get his mind off the emotional pain. He didn’t know what kind of game Mark was trying to play, but he wouldn’t let it get into him.

After running for almost an hour, the boys decided to stop by at the nearby supermarket to get some drinks and food. Jaehyun and Taeyong were already back at the dorm. They couldn’t join them because they had to check on Noah. Doyoung pulled Donghyuck and Johnny inside meanwhile the others waited outside. He dragged Donghyuck because he was reliable when it came to grocery shopping. The smaller always read the label at the back of the product thoroughly to make sure it was healthy and edible. And Johnny was there to pay for their food, obviously.

Donghyuck was comparing which energy drinks should he buy when Doyoung’s voice caught his attention.

“Mark, what are you doing here?”

“I have to buy something.”

Donghyuck didn't want to turn around but his body betrayed him and he immediately regretted it when he found that Mark was blatantly staring at him from across the aisle, it was as if he was waiting for him and when he did, Mark didn't do anything and just continued staring at him. However, what distracted him was a muffed giggle and hush behind Mark. Donghyuck squinted to see some girls—probably in their mid-twenties—ogling over Mark. They were shamelessly checking him out from head to toe. It wasn't exactly something new and it happened more often than Donghyuck wanted to admit. Mark used to be one of the most popular members in the group. He could easily draw people's attention to him. Even in his early thirties, his effect on people was still the same.

Mark had always been lean; not too big or bulge with muscles but he wasn't small either. He had a perfect proportion. He had lost his baby fat as soon as he hit twenty, he'd never had a soft belly or a hint of a double chin like Donghyuck. A few days ago Donghyuck saw him holding Noah with one hand meanwhile the other carried three grocery bags effortlessly, which made the smaller feel absolutely jealous of his strength. Donghyuck could never do that. He was getting tired with each day that passed by and he was too lazy to hit the gym or doing morning exercise. When they were still dating, every time they went out in public places, there would always people who stopped for a while to turn at Mark.

If Donghyuck were to be honest, he didn't think that Mark was as spectacular as people always said about him. He'd never describe him as spectacular or unbelievably handsome. Among all of the members of NCT, the smaller thought that the closest member to fit those titles was Jaehyun. Because he also had this princely feature and it suited him perfectly. And along with Taeyong, the couple was simply spectacular.

For Donghyuck, Mark had the kind of feature that made people wanted to see him because it was easy to stare at him. He might not be breathtaking, not in the same way as Taeyong and Jaehyun, but he was attractive and...just normal—Donghyuck didn't quite sure how to phrase it. It was just that he liked to look at him. He liked his dark hair. It wasn't silky because the amount of times he'd dyed his hair and the damage from all of the bleaching. Sometimes when Donghyuck ran his fingers through his hair, his finger would stuck in between the strands. His skin was so pale, clean, but dry. And his lips were chapped but really pink. He wasn't so tall like Johnny or Jaehyun but he had the best shoulders ever; wide and broad. Donghyuck never described Mark in a disgustingly romantic way but he preferred him that way. It made him more real to Donghyuck and that somehow he could always reach him.

Donghyuck didn’t know how long he had been staring nor did he realize a frown that made its way to his face. He recognized the green monster that prickled under his skin and immediately felt stupid because he knew he wasn’t supposed to feel like this. When he blinked back to reality, Mark was already in front of him and it made him jump back in surprise.

“You startled me!” Donghyuck said, his hand flew over his heart, feeling its erratic heartbeats.

Mark smiled sheepishly but there was a glint in his eyes. He looked somehow…pleased.

“Sorry,” he said with a grin on his face. “I just want to put this on the trolley.”

Donghyuck looked down as Mark put a tub of green tea ice cream into the trolley and both of them know perfectly well that it was for the smaller. Mark hated green tea and there was only one person in the group who liked it. Donghyuck automatic reaction was to reject him but when he looked at him, he saw a glint of hope in his eyes and decided to keep mum.

“I’ve checked the fridge before we left and I noticed that we’re running out of your favorite ice cream. You can share it with Noah because he likes green tea too.”

Mark smiled at him again and this time, he smiled at him like he was so happy just to be looking at his face. The raw emotions in his eyes caught Donghyuck off guard. When Mark turned around, the smaller gripped the trolley, hard and tight. Donghyuck didn’t know what Mark was trying to do but at this point, he knew that he couldn’t put up thicker façade. His heart grew weak and he was afraid of what was waiting for him.

 

* * *

 

Waking up to a very quiet dorm wasn't what Donghyuck expected. It felt so strange not having Doyoung yelling in the morning, nagging at everyone. Ever since the members started preparing for the concert and learning to live in the same roof again, the dorm was never quiet.

Still dazed and disoriented, Donghyuck blinked to adjust his vision. When he looked around, as expected Mark was already gone. Mark always got up way earlier than Donghyuck. The smaller never saw him when he woke up and he supposed he should be thankful for that. 

Today was their day off. Everyone worked hard for the last three weeks and the manager decided to give them a day off to take a rest. After brushing his teeth real quick, he came downstairs and found Taeyong in the kitchen. He was alone and hastily packing the lunch box for Noah. His hyung was already dressed.

“Hyung, where's everyone?”

Taeyong jumped a little when he heard his voice but then he smiled when he saw him.

“You're awake,” he said. “Jungwoo, Taeil hyung, and Sicheng are running some errands. Johnny, Yuta, and Doyoungie went to the mall to shop some clothes.”

Donghyuck pouted as he plopped down the chair. “And they didn't even invite me?”

Taeyong looked up from the lunch box and stared at him apologetically.

“Actually, I asked them not to bring you along because I need a favor, Donghyuckie.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck said, blinking. “What is it, hyung?”

“There's a problem in my store in Gangnam. Jaehyunie and I have to go there right now. Can you get Noah ready to school and drive him there?”

“Of course, hyung,” Donghyuck replied with a smile. “I would love too. Don't worry. You and Jaehyunie hyung can go right now.”

At that moment, Jaehyun appeared in the kitchen, freshly showered and already had his coat on. Taeyong quickly packed the lunch box and put them inside Noah's school bag.

“Noah is still sleeping. You can wake him up now. I already prepared his breakfast too so you don't have to cook.”

Donghyuck nodded dutifully. “Okay, hyung.”

Taeyong smiled gratefully at him.

“Thank you, Donghyuckie.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun kissed his forehead before they went out. After they were gone, Donghyuck padded over to their room and opened the door slowly, careful not to make any sound. He found Noah still sound asleep, sprawling out on his back with his mouth slightly opened. A fond smile make its way to his face as he took in the sight. When he was still actively doing promotions in Seoul, he always came to Jaehyun and Taeyong's house once a week to play with Noah. Sometimes when the couple were busy or having schedules overseas, they always asked Donghyuck to babysit Noah. He was so busy with practices these past few weeks that hadn’t been spending that much time Noah. He missed the baby.

Walking up to the bed, Donghyuck bent down and shook Noah's body gently, smiling when the baby let out a whine. He was such a light sleeper like Jaehyun.

“Noah, sunshine,” Donghyuck said softly. “It's time for you to wake up.”

Noah whined again, curling up into a ball. “Now?”

Donghyuck chuckled.

“Yes, sunshine. You have to wake up now and get ready to school.”

Noah slowly opened his eyes, blinking up at Donghyuck. He didn't need to be told twice to sit up. He listened to others so well and rarely made a fuss. He was very well-behaved, unlike others kids his age and that made him being easily adored by others. With his half-lidded eyes and hair sticking out in every direction, Noah held out his arms to Donghyuck and the smaller quickly hoisted him up. Noah hid his face in Donghyuck's neck as the smaller made their way to the bathroom.

“Where are Papa and Daddy?”

“They had to go to work early,” Donghyuck replied, ruffling his messy hair. “You're going to school with Uncle today. That’s okay with you, right?”

Noah didn't protest and simply nodded, just like how Donghyuck had predicted. It didn't take long to bathe Noah. After taking him out of the bath tub, Donghyuck wrapped him with a thick towel and led him outside. He almost tripped over his own feet when he found Mark was already standing near the bed with Noah's uniform in his hand. He thought the latter was gone with others too because he didn't see him when he woke up. Before Donghyuck could say something, Mark beat him first.

“I'll get Noah dressed. You can get a quick shower now.”

“I can take him to the school alone.” Donghyuck said defensively. He couldn’t help it. It was just his automatic respond when he was with Mark. “You don’t have to go with us.”

“I know,” Mark said, not meeting his eyes. “But Taeyongie hyung asked me to drive you and Noah.”

Donghyuck opened his mouth to say something but decided to close it again. If Taeyong had asked Mark personally to go with them, then there was nothing he could do about it. The leader never said it out loud but Donghyuck knew he was the one who worried the most about him and Mark. He could see it in his eyes. Both Taeyong and Doyoung had taken the mother role for Donghyuck and they were so devastated when they learned that he and Mark weren't together again. They were always agitated ever since the preparation of their comeback had started. It was funny and amusing for Donghyuck how they always looked at him and Mark warily as if they expected one of them to explode and get into a big fight. So far, the pair did a great job pushing their past aside and prioritizing the team.

Knowing that there was nothing he could do but to obey, Donghyuck wordlessly nodded and let Mark take Noah into his arms. He slid out of the room to take a quick shower. Five minutes later, Noah and Mark were in the kitchen, eating the breakfast Taeyong had already prepared.

“Uncle Hyuckie, come and eat breakfast with us.”

Donghyuck smiled and shook his head. “I'll eat later, sunshine. Finish yours, okay?”

“Why are you skipping breakfast?”

If Donghyuck was surprised to hear him sound so curious—was that a hint of concern he heard? maybe it was just his imagination—, he didn't show it on his face. He didn't even spare him a glance as he answered, “Just because.”

Mark didn't push him and silently continued eating. Thankfully Noah was very talkative and it helped to ease the tense atmosphere between the adults. He told his uncles about what he learned in school and both Donghyuck and Mark listened to him tentatively, laughing at the right time and not forgetting to compliment him on how smart he was.

After Noah had finished his breakfast, Mark cleaned the table and Donghyuck helped the kid sling his bag. When they were out of the house, they walked in both of Noah's sides. The kid immediately reached out to take their hands, swinging them back and forth. Something deep inside Donghyuck twitched painfully at how domestic they looked and he knew he wasn't the only one who thought so because when he caught Mark's eyes, they told him the same thing.

The drive to Noah's kindergarten felt painfully long. Even though it had been weeks, Donghyuck still felt uneasy to be in the same room with Mark without other members. They became some sort of his wall protection too. Now that he was just alone with Mark, it felt like he was naked, open for him to see and read. And the smaller didn't like it.

When they were finally arrived at the kindergarten, Donghyuck and Mark walked Noah to the gate and crouched down before the kid.

“Be a good boy, okay?” Donghyuck ruffled his hair gently. “Don't forget to eat your lunch.”

“Study well, baby.” Mark added, reaching out to straighten his uniform.

Noah beamed at them.

“Yes, uncle! Don’t worry. I will!”

Donghyuck and Mark smiled fondly at the kid. They kissed him goodbye before sending him off. They watched Noah run inside and walk with their classmates, chatting animatedly with them. It sparked something inside Donghyuck and he couldn't help the pain that twitched inside him. It reminded him of the old dream, the dream he used to share with someone he wished to forget. Someone who was right beside him.  

There was a time a very long time ago when Donghyuck and Mark would lie on their backs and talked about their future together. Their shoulders touched, fingers intertwined, and legs entangled. They dreamed about a lot of things and some of their dreamed were already fulfilled; being a singer and debut together. It was their biggest dreams and as a teenager, they felt very lucky because it felt like the world was on their sides. But they also dreamed about other things. They dreamed to have something solid, something old-fashioned, and something traditional. They wanted what Taeyong and Jaehyun had; marriage, kids, and home. It was so easy to dream about them back then. Donghyuck always believed that his dreams would eventually come true. He just had to wait.

But fate has its way and Donghyuck had to accept the reality when his dream was crashed and burned before it even happened and just like that, the reality took the dreams away from Donghyuck's gasp and his tiny little hand didn't have enough power to hold them.

Taeyong, Jaehyun, and Noah were the constant reminder of Donghyuck's crushed dreams and even though he never admitted it even to himself, part of him still clung to the old dreams, the promises they once shared, that somehow, even though things weren't the same anymore, it still could happen. But then again, who was he kidding? Donghyuck might be great at lying to himself, but he wasn't stupid. The moment Mark walked out of his life, he knew he could never dream the same dreams with anyone else.

The loud ring of the bell jerked Donghyuck back to the present. He blinked, completely unaware that he got carried away. He knew he was in trouble when he turned to Mark and saw the same heavy emotions clouded his eyes. He quickly tore his gaze away. He just couldn’t bear to look at it for too long.

Not wanting to wallow in self-pity, Donghyuck just walked past Mark and made his way to the car.

 

* * *

 

They drove back to the dorm in complete silence. There was traffic and Donghyuck wished there wasn't because that meant he had to spend time with Mark longer than necessary. He wanted to go home and curl up on the couch or cuddle up to was whoever willing to give him some physical affection. Anyone, really. He didn't dare to glance at Mark. He didn't have the courage to do that.

Time seemed to pass by painfully slow. After what seemed like forever, the silence was broken when Donghyuck heard a sudden sharp intake of breath and then Mark stepped on the brake and the car stopped with a jerk. Donghyuck gasped in surprise and quickly turned to Mark in confusion and shock, wondering what might’ve happened to make the latter suddenly stop the car. But Mark was already turning to him, face as pale as ghost and his mouth slightly opened. His eyes weren't on Donghyuck's face. He stared at his chest, his gaze boring into something. Donghyuck followed his gaze and sucked in a shaky breath as he realized that his necklace was out of his clothes. God, how come he didn’t notice it?

“You…” Mark started, but then he stopped. He stared at the ring with a completely blown expression and it made Donghyuck felt extremely vulnerable. It made him more naked than he’d ever been. He quickly tucked it back under his hoodie again, clutching it with a tremble hand.

“You still have it,” he said in a whisper, voice rough with emotions. Donghyuck didn’t answer him.

“Donghyuck, you’re still wearing it.” he repeated, more desperate and frustrated at the same time.

“That’s none of your business, Mark,” Donghyuck hissed, trying so hard to stay composed. No, he wasn't going to lose it today. It was supposed to be just like another day where he and Mark pretended that nothing happened between them and continued with their life. They weren't supposed to have the conversation that could trigger their past.  

Donghyuck’s chest heaved as he tried to curb the need to sob. His eyes were stinging but he didn't want to appear weak. He didn't want to cry right now.

“I thought you already threw it away.”

“Well, I’m not like you who could easily leave everything behind.” he snapped.

Donghyuck knew he had crossed the line the moment he saw hurt and anger flash through Mark's face and eyes. The latter clenched his fists, his nostrils flared on a sharply indrawn breath.

“It’s not like that.”

“It is exactly like that.” Donghyuck spat, glaring at him.

They held each other's gaze, eyes burning with fire. Back in the day, once they were fired up for a fight, it was almost impossible to stop. It would turn into something very ugly and nasty. They would say something they didn't mean. Something hurtful and terrible. It was so easy to lose their places when they were arguing. The argument would shift into something more dangerous and they wouldn't even realize it. More often than not, they would end the conversation abruptly or abandon it before it got worse.

“You have no idea how hard it was for me.” Mark said again after an intense moment of silence.

Donghyuck let out a laugh, his voice devoid of emotions.

“Yeah? It was hard for you? Then how about me, Mark? Have you ever thought about my fucking feelings when you suddenly decided to end things and walked out of my life like what we had meant absolutely nothing to you? Can you imagine how fucking hurt and broken I was when you did that to me?”

Donghyuck’s sudden outburst thrown Mark completely. The latter jerked back as if someone just slapped him on the face. His lips pressed together and his face twisted with pain and regret. Now that Donghyuck had finally let it out, he couldn't stop.

“I’ve never get a chance to ask why,” he continued, chest heaving. “Why were you suddenly being distant? Why you couldn’t look into my eyes? Why you never touched me again? Why you were so sick of me? I’ve never had a proper explanation before you suddenly decided to break up with me and I was left wondering. What went wrong? What did I do wrong, Mark?”

A drop of tear escaped Donghyuck’s eyes and just like that, the carefully maintained fighter façade crumbled. Mark's mask instantly slipped, revealing a flare of panic. He tried to reach out for his hand but the smaller quickly slapped it away.

Donghyuck bit his lower lips, trying to muffle his sob. He felt as if someone just stabbed his heart with a dull knife, reopening the old wounds. As long as he could remember, their relationship was fine. They were madly in love with each other and incredibly happy. They've been dating for five years. Donghyuck didn't remember when things started to grow wrong. But then, suddenly a lot was wrong between them. Mark started to become distant. He stopped looking at him in the eyes. He didn't touch him, his hold and kisses were as cold as the winter. He was unhappy about something and Donghyuck always thought that it was his fault. He made him unhappy, undoubtedly. They started to drift apart and every time Donghyuck tried to talk it out, Mark always dismissed him. His detachment made him desperate for connection, which made him said desperate things and made him more detached. Donghyuck liked to believe that things would get better and he was determined to fix things between them, even though he didn't know what exactly wrong in their relationship.  But then, before Donghyuck could fix things, Mark decided to break things up between them. He didn’t give him a proper explanation. He just said that he couldn’t and then he disappeared from Donghyuck’s life.

Donghyuck couldn't even describe how hurt it felt after Mark left him. He had spent almost half of his life with the same person; loved him and dreamed the same dream with him. He'd known him better than he'd even known himself as anyone else. To suddenly be left alone was the hardest thing Donghyuck had ever been through.

The painful memory hit him like a physical blow, sending a sharp pain through his chest and suddenly he couldn't breathe. That hurt so much more than he could imagine. After years trying to forget it, Donghyuck had to accept the fact that his feelings for Mark had never changed at all. And it made everything hurt twice as much.

“Donghyuck...”

“I wanted to fix things,” he said as he looked out of the windows, leaning his head against it. "I thought you weren't happy with me and our relationship. I thought maybe I did something wrong to make you grow so distant and cold. You stopped talking to me and I thought I wasn't enough for you. I thought I should try harder and be better so I could make you happy again. I wanted you to be happy, Mark. I knew that things weren't always good and all rainbows. It wasn't always smooth or happy between us. But I thought it was just another phase, you know? That somehow things would get back to normal after a while. That's it until you ended thing and disappeared like a fucking coward.”

Donghyuck knew things would get out of hand if let Mark talked. He didn’t want his pity nor did he was ready for another emotional talk so he quickly spoke again before Mark got a chance to do it.

“I'm...I'm tired.” Donghyuck said in a small voice. All the rampant energy inside him vanished, leaving him feeling drained and extremely exhausted both mentally and physically. His hand fisted his chest where the ring was there. “I want to go home. Please.”

There was nothing Mark could do at the moment but to oblige. He looked at the smaller for the last time before starting the engine again and they drove back to the dorm with the already broken hearts and tainted memories.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck avoided Mark at all costs after that. Despite living in the same house and sleeping on the same bed, the smaller managed to ignore his presence. Every time Mark looked like he wanted to say something or approach him, Donghyuck was quick to turn away. He couldn't face him. Not after he spilled everything out, leaving himself more open and barer than he'd ever been before. There were a lot of things going on his mind and he needed some space to breathe. Thankfully, after a week, Mark got the hint and kept his distance after that.

Their silent fight didn’t go unnoticed by their members. They knew something must have happened when Donghyuck and Mark suddenly started ignoring each other. It wasn’t like they were talking before, but at least they could be civil and cooperated when it came to work. Now they acted like they didn’t know each other, which was the worst case could ever happen between them. And it wasn’t like the members could confront them right away when they had no clue of what happened. In the end, they gave them the space they needed.

Donghyuck threw himself into practice even harder than before and it helped him to distract his mind from whatever was going on between him and Mark. The harder he practiced and worked his body over its limits, the more numb he became. Maybe that was what he needed. Numbness. He just didn’t want to feel anything at the moment.  

The concert was approaching and there was almost no time to rest. They only got two to three hours to sleep. And due to the busy schedules, two weeks before the concert kicked off, Taeyong and Jaehyun took Noah to their parents’ house. The kid would stay there until their first concert in Seoul ended.

Today, the members would do the first recording at the studio. They filled out of the dorm right after lunch. By the time they arrived there, the producer was already waiting for them. He gave them fifteen minutes to warm up their throats before started the recording. While waiting, the producer called out Donghyuck and Mark who were sitting across from each other.

“Can I talk to you guys for a second?”

Donghyuck and Mark made a brief eye contact for the first time since their fight but quickly averted their gazes away.

“Yeah, sure.” Mark replied as he slowly stood up from where he was sitting and followed the producer inside the room. He tempted to turn around to check if the smaller was following them but held himself back. Instead he walked ever so slowly so he could hear his footsteps and felt strangely at ease knowing he was right behind him.

Once they were inside, Mark and Donghyuck took a seat next to each other but the space between them was too big to ignore.

“So, I stumbled upon your duet ‘Billionaire’ that you both did a few years ago. I actually liked it and I think it would be good if you guys can sing it together again in the concert. Fans will like it for sure. What do you guys think?”

Donghyuck instantly stiffened, his face went blank as he stared at the producer’s face. He knew he should say something; an answer, a response, anything. But he couldn’t think of any of it. His brain began to short-circuit. How was he supposed to respond to that? A comeback with a whole group was bearable but a duet song with Mark? Just the two of them? Donghyuck didn’t think he could handle it.

“I think it’s a great idea, hyung,” Mark replied after an awkward moment of silence and his unexpected answer thrown the smaller. “Like you said, fans would  definitely like it.”

The producer looked very pleased with the answer.

“Great. So I suppose the two of you can stay behind after the group’s recording finishes to practice the song?”

Mark nodded his head firmly. “Yeah, sure.” 

“How about you, Donghyuck? Is it okay for you, too?”

Donghyuck spluttered when all the attentions were on him. He knew he couldn’t say no to this, not when the group was involved. So he settled with a nod, not able to utter a word at the moment, but nevertheless his answer was enough to seal the deal.

It was a couple of hours later when all the members had finished recorded their parts and left Donghyuck and Mark alone in the studio that it finally occurred to Donghyuck that he was going to sing a song with Mark, just the two of them. _Their song_ , on top of that. Billionaire was the very first song he and Mark practiced when they first met and they grew attached to it. Before Mark graduated from Dream, they sang the song again for the first time after their debut and the latter had changed some of the lyrics. Donghyuck remembered the words by heart despite not hearing it for years now; _as we meet on the stage, revealing the light that is not lost in the familiarity, make each other shine like old times, bringing it back._

The line _make each other shine_ was painfully similar to _you complete me_ line and back then when Mark first showed the lyrics to him, he thought it was very cheesy and cliché but then again there was no better words to describe their relationship because that was exactly how they worked. Donghyuck hated the song because he could never listen to it without thinking about Mark and their past. After they broke up, he couldn’t even bring himself to listen to it, let alone sing it. But once again fate played with him and put him into another torture. Great. Fuck.

Now Donghyuck and Mark were stuck in the studio together, sitting awkwardly across from each other. The producer had gone to give them a few minutes break before they started recording again. The whole room was very quiet and still. After a few minutes of painfully uncomfortable silence, Mark was the first one to break it.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely a whisper but it still managed to startled the smaller. “I know you didn’t want to do the duet.”

“It’s doesn’t matter now,” Donghyuck replied, his voice came out harsher than he intended. “I still have to suck it up.”

 Mark swallowed loudly.

“Do you want to practice now?”

Donghyuck just nodded woodenly. It actually didn’t surprise them when they could easily harmonize and sang the verses without having to look at the lyric sheet—it was something they remembered by heart. By the time they finished singing the whole song, the producer came in just in time, saving them from drifting to the past.

The recording went very well. They did it fast and clean, only repeating certain parts that could be improved. Donghyuck was the last one to record his part and when he stepped out of the recording room, he didn’t even bat an eyelash when he saw Mark leaning against the wall, clearly waiting for him.

“Let’s go home?” he asked, voice soft but uncertain. Donghyuck nodded again without saying anything. His emotions were all over the place after singing that song again after years.

“Johnny hyung just texted me,” Mark said once they stepped out of the building, walking to the parking lot. “The others are at the restaurant nearby. They’re waiting for us to have a dinner together.”

Donghyuck sighed. “Okay.”

Twenty minutes later, they arrived at the said restaurant. Donghyuck slid out of the car and walked ahead first. He didn’t wait for Mark because the latter was still talking to the manager. And because he was eager to escape from him and craved the safety from his members.

Donghyuck was walking to the entrance and didn't really pay attention to his surroundings until he bumped into someone's chest, making him stumble backward. The apology was already on the tip of his tongue but when he looked up, he saw a man towering over him. That man looked down on him with an obvious interest, his pupils dilated and unfocused, cheeks bright red and the smaller could smell alcohol from his breath. It was obvious that the stranger was heavily drunk. He couldn't even properly stand and his eyes were hazy. His lips curved into a suggestive smirk and Donghyuk froze, his horrified eyes widened.

“Are you alone, pretty boy? Want some company?”

The man took a step forward and managed to grab his wrist in a tight grip that would most definitely bruise tomorrow. Donghyuck gasped loudly as he tried to get free from that stranger’s hold, his body shuddering in fear. The look on that stranger made him sick.

“Let me go or I will yell. People will come and beat the shit out of you.” he threatened even though his voice wavered. There were actually some people who were watching them they didn’t make an attempt to approach him. Well, bad luck.

The stranger let out a loud laugh, making Donghyuck almost threw up of the heavy smell of alcohol. He leaned his face to Donghyuck and the smaller let out a whimper when that stranger touched the side of his face. Before he could say something, a loud territorial roar was heard and suddenly Donghyuck was freed from the stranger. A hand settled on his waist and squeezed firmly.  He gasped as Mark turned him around and pressed his face against his chest. He looked up and trembled as he saw his face. Mark looked absolutely rigid and livid. A look of intense anger crossed his face. His lips pressed together. His face was motionless but his nostrils were flared up. He seemed composed enough but Donghyuck knew better than that.

“What do you think you're doing?” Mark's voice was cold as ice and sharp as a razor. Donghyuck could sense the anger vibrating beneath that calm surface. Out of impulse—it was more like a habit that never died—he wrapped his arms around his waist to keep him grounded.

That stranger had a tendency to laugh, his loud voice made Donghyuck flinch. Mark immediately wrapped his arms around Donghyuck, almost squeezing the air out of him. It made him shuddered but this time, it was because the possessiveness and protectiveness from his touch.

“Oh, is this pretty boy yours?”

A low yet dangerous growl rumbled deep in Mark's throat. The stranger was obviously bigger and buffer but right now, Mark looked ten times scarier than him. It made Donghyuck tighten his hold, preventing him from moving. They were making a scene now and more people were staring at them.  

“Do not call him that with your filthy mouth. And yes, _he is mine_. Fuck off, asshole.”

The words were a snarl through his gritted teeth. And it have must be the absolute possessiveness in his voice that made the stranger finally stop his confrontation, stumbling backwards in fear. Mark let out another growl of warning before dragging Donghyuck inside the restaurant.

Mark's grip on his waist was tight, his nails digging into his skin as he practically dragged Donghyuck inside, searching for the members. Donghyuck was pliant in his hold. His mind was hazy and he felt physically ill. He still couldn't comprehend the whole situation. His ears ringing and he couldn't hear anything but he could feel Mark's body was still trembling with anger. The world moved around him, making him dizzy. And then there were gasps and shrieks—people sounded shocked and terrified. At the back of his mind, Donghyuck recognized Taeyong and Doyoung's loud cries of panic but he couldn't bear himself to think further. Anxiety and fear from earlier event hit him, sharp enough to make his whole body tremble. He couldn't breathe and his eyes quickly brimmed with tears. He would've fallen onto the ground if it weren't for strong arms around him.

“Breathe, Donghyuck. Breathe.”

Mark’s voice sounded so far but Donghyuck could see his face only inches apart from his, he could feel his warm hands, holding his face ever so gently and it made the sobs burst through his lips.  

“Ssh, pup,” Mark whispered, the endearing nickname slipped so easily from him lips without him realizing it. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Mark leaned his forehead against his, stroking his face gently as he whispered sweet nothings over and over again. Donghyuck clung to him, needing the physical contact to calm his wild heartbeat. He needed this and he knew that Mark also needed it too.

Just a moment ago he wanted to escape from him but now as Mark leaned his head a little and pressed his cold lips against his sweaty temple while stroking the side of his face, Donghyuck felt a huge surge of relief flooded him. He clutched his shirt so hard his knuckles went numb. He shifted a little and it was when he realized that he was straddling Mark's lap, both of his legs dangling on his sides. In normal circumstances, Donghyuck would have pushed him. But right now Donghyuck couldn't find it in himself to pull away because he felt safe in his arms. One of Mark’s hands travelled down to the small of his back, wrapping around it securely.

Feeling exhausted, Donghyuck leaned his head to Mark’s shoulder, dazed and disoriented.

“What…” Taeyong’s voice was strained. His face was pale and white as paper, his lower lips trembled as he took in the sight of Donghyuck. “What happened?”

Mark finally lifted his face from the smaller and realized that the other members were crowding around them, worry was written on their faces. Mark forced himself to recount the story and instinctively tightened his grip around the smaller when he felt him flinch in his arms. The whole table went quiet and their faces went even paler.

Taeyong looked devastated, shrinking even deeper into Jaehyun’s arms meanwhile the latter looked clearly livid. Doyoung covered his mouth with his hand, his expression mirrored Taeyong’s. Jungwoo and Taeil who sat on his sides tried to calm him down, even though they were in the same state as the latter. Yuta looked absolutely pissed and fuming. His jaw clenched and his face scrunched up in anger. He made an attempt to get up but Sicheng who sat next to him pulled him back down, digging his nails into his elbow to keep him in place. Johnny who sat right next to Mark turned to Donghyuck, taking one of his hands and brought it to his face, nuzzling it gently.

“I’m so sorry you have to go through that, Donghyuckie,” Johnny whispered, his voice wavered with pain and anger. He reached out to push the hair back from his eyes. Donghyuck only blinked at him.

“Who is that fucktard? I’m going to fucking kill him.” Yuta seethed, body trembling with anger.

“You’re not going to kill anyone,” Sicheng said firmly, gripping his bicep in a tight grip. “You’re going to be here for Donghyuckie.”

As if they just woke up from a trance, Taeyong rose from his seat to approach Donghyuck. Doyoung and Jaehyun followed him from behind.

“Donghyuckie, sweetheart,” Taeyong said as he stood before him, reaching out to stroke his hair. “We’ll take you home now. Do you want to be carried, sweetheart?”

Donghyuck didn’t answer verbally but his hand reached out for Yuta who stood behind Johnny. The Japanese guy was on his side in an instant, lifting him up into his arms in a bridal style. Mark let the smaller go, already missing the familiar heat against his body, but he let Yuta took care of him. He and other members knew it was Donghyuck way to calm Yuta down because the Japanese guy was still clearly enraged.

Johnny and Jaehyun went to the cashier to pay for their food meanwhile the others left the table, ignoring whispers and looks from people around them. Once everyone was settled in a van, Jaehyun and Taeyong made Donghyuck sit between them. The smaller curled up into a ball against Jaehyun’s chest and eventually fell asleep because Taeyong didn’t stop stroking his head. Mark sat at the back, longing for the smaller but he knew it wasn’t his place to interfere.

When they finally arrived at the dorm, Johnny who sat next to the driver seat slid out of the car first. He silently took the smaller into his arms, careful not to shift him. Everyone followed close behind him. As Johnny brought Donghyuck upstairs with Yuta and Doyoung who silently trailed behind them, Mark lingered at the back, unsure what to do. It was Jaehyun who silently encouraged him by wrapping an arm around his shoulder, leading him upstairs with a very fussing Taeyong ahead of them.

“It’s fine, Mark,” he said, tightening his hold. “You can be there for him, too.”

Mark swallowed thickly and nodded. Taeil, Sicheng, and Jungwoo were downstairs preparing the food for Donghyuck because the smaller hadn’t eaten anything yet and they still needed to feed him. But the three of them had already kissed Donghyuck goodnight, chest clenching when the smaller still didn’t give much response, only a blink of an eye.  

Once everyone was inside the room, Taeyong and Doyoung helped made the bed. Johnny settled Donghyuck in the middle of the bed as gently as he could. Yuta and Jaehyun took off his shoes and socks, placing them on the floor.

“Are you comfortable enough, sweetheart?” Taeyong asked as he sat the edge of the bed, his motherly tone made Donghyuck felt slightly better. The smaller could only nod as an answer.  

“We’ll let you get some rest. If you need anything, just tell Mark and he will get you everything. All right, baby maknae?”

Again, Donghyuck could only nod at Jaehyun. As much as they wanted to be with Donghyuck, they knew that the smaller needed some space now. It would overwhelm him more if there were too many people around him and he would feel suffocated.

“Thank you,” Donghyuck managed to say it even though his voice came out almost inaudible but they still caught it. They gave the smaller a goodnight kiss on the forehead before filed out of the room. Before closing the door, Doyoung looked at Mark with a pleading look.

“Take care of him.”

Mark swallowed thickly. “I will, hyung.”

Mark and Donghyuck were left alone now. It suddenly became really quiet and Mark wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know if the smaller wanted to be near him. Even though they were practically glued against each other just a few moments ago, that was only because Donghyuck wasn’t completely conscious with his surroundings. Now that he was sober enough, Mark didn’t want to push his luck. He would still be there watching over the smaller because he could never leave the room, not after what happened. He needed to be near the smaller but he opted to spend the night on the floor to give Donghyuck some space.

Mark was about to grab his blanket when Donghyuck called him.

“Mark?”

Mark’s movement froze but he quickly responded to him.

“Yes, Donghyuck? Do you need something?”

Donghyuck was quiet for a moment. After a few heartbeats, he slowly turned his body so he was facing the latter now. He blinked and hesitantly patted the space next to him. Mark got the message right awat but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do it. The smaller was very vulnerable right now and he didn’t want to take advantage of his current state.

“It’s okay,” he croaked, eyes fixed on him. “Please?”

Donghyuck knew what he did was risky. He was vulnerable and still couldn’t think straight. But he was sober enough to know what he wanted. He needed to feel safe and as much as he hated to admit it, only Mark who could gave him that at the moment.

Mark must have sensed his distress because he quickly climbed on the bed and lay down next to him. There was still a big space between them. It was Donghyuck who moved first but Mark immediately met him halfway. He caught the smaller by the waist and pulled him impossibly closer.

Mark held Donghyuck while the smaller buried his face in the latter's chest. He leaned down to press his cheek to the top of his head. The room was very quiet and still. The only sound Donghyuck heard was just the thud of his own heart, hammering against his chest, and the now steady rhythm of his breath. He blinked and slowly lifted his head. He found Mark's eyes were open too, staring at his face.

The look on Mark's face knocked the breath out of Donghyuck's lungs. The emotions that he showed were raw and bluntly honest. Even after years, it still made no sense how Mark looked at him like he was the precious thing in the world.

Mark exhaled sharply through his nose and tightened his hold around his body. He still could feel the dread through him. The image of someone else touched the smaller set fire inside him. His body trembled as he lifted his hand and touched the side of his face, holding it gently.

“I was so scared.” he confessed, his voice broken with heavy emotions. Donghyuck scooted closer to him, feeling the warmth radiating from his strong body. He placed his hand on top of Mark’s, nuzzling it.

“I’m okay now. It’s okay.”

The steady rise of Donghyuck’s chest pressing close against Mark’s slowly made the latter’s body went relaxed. They didn’t say anything else after that, basking in each other’s warmth. More tired and exhausted than he thought, Donghyuck eventually fell asleep, head still tucking under his chin and body wrapped around his strong and safe arms.

That night, for the first time in years Mark could sleep in peace, knowing that he had the smaller in his arms again, even though it was only temporary.

 

* * *

 

 

Something shifted between them after that night. Things were back to normal and they stopped ignoring each other. They were not quite talking but at least the tension between them was gone, which secretly made the others happy because the dampened and dull mood finally disappeared.

It was only a week before the concert started and everyone was pushing themselves to their limits, knowing that they couldn’t afford to slack off. After ended their last practice, a day before the concert, the ten of them huddled up in the living room, having some heart-to-heart talks, crying and laughing together.

The day of the concert, only Dream and Ten could make it because the others were busy with their personal schedules and some of them were abroad. Despite their absence, everyone congratulated 127 on the group chat. All of the other members of NCT were genuinely happy for them.

Fifteen minutes before the concert started, the others came to the dressing room to cheer the members. Ten was the first one to burst into the room, followed by the Dream. He just landed in Seoul and came straight to the concert hall. Johnny who was playing with his phone quickly got up from his seat and opened his arms for his boyfriend. Ten was smiling so wide as he threw himself into Johnny’s arms, giggling when his boyfriend caught him by the waist.

“I missed you so much,” Ten whispered, nuzzling his face in Johnny’s chest. Johnny leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

“I missed you too, baby,”

The kids from the Dream snickered but it was Jisung who had enough guts to point them out as Ten tilted his head up and puckered his lips, asking for a kiss on the lips.

“Ew, gross, hyung,” he said, earning a glare from Ten.

“Shut up, Jisung. Turn your head away. You’re not allowed to see us doing adults things.”

“Excuse me, I’m an adult!”

“Oh, hush, you little baby.”

Ten waved him meanwhile Johnny just laughed before leaning down to catch his boyfriend’s lips with his. Jisung let out a shriek and quickly looked away with a red face. He let Chenle drag him to the 127 members who were spread out in the room.

Taeyong was sitting on the chair with Noah perched his lap, running his fingers through his soft locks. Meanwhile Jaehyun was crouching down before them, holding one of Noah’s hands. Noah was recounting what he did for the past two weeks with his grandparents meanwhile his parents listened to the boy tentatively and patiently. The couple missed their baby so much after being away for almost two weeks.

Taeil and Doyoung were stretching together to avoid cramps and do some squats to measure their lungs capacity. And because they were too jittery to just sit still. Jungwoo, Sicheng, and Yuta were doing some breathing exercises, warming up their throats. 

Donghyuck and Mark were the first ones to greet the Dream. It was Chenle who ran toward them first and threw himself between the couple. He laughed as he squeezed them, making Mark and Donghyuck laugh too. It had been too long since the last time they saw him.

“I missed you two! So much!”

Mark let out a small chuckle, ruffling his hair gently. “We missed you two, Lele.”

Chenle squeezed them one more time before finally released his hold. Mark and Donghyuck leaned forward at the same time to kiss both of his cheeks, making the boy giggle in happiness.

“Oh, so you only missed Lele?”

A sassy Jaemin appeared and Donghyuck laughed as he ran toward his best friend, throwing himself into his arms.

“Nana, I missed you so much!”

Jaemin patted his butt before releasing his best friend. He took Donghyuck’s face in his hands, squeezed it and then kissed his puffed out cheeks.

“I missed you too, my chocoball.”

Before Donghyuck went back to Busan, he and Jaemin met frequently, sometimes with Jeno and Jisung too. Renjun and Chenle were in China so they couldn’t meet often. It was actually the very first time Donghyuck met Jaemin again after he came back to Seoul. His best friend was busy filming for his new movie out of country and Donghyuck was busy with the upcoming concert.

Jaemin opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again. Donghyuck saw his body went rigid and his expression turned tensed. He looked at someone over Donghyuck’s shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed. The smaller followed his gaze and swallowed thickly when he found Jaemin and Mark was currently staring at each other’s. He almost forgot that the only one who never actually forgave Mark was Jaemin. His best friend just couldn’t understand Mark’s actions and refused to talk about the latter.

Jaemin let go of Donghyuck to approach Mark who was standing next to Renjun who tensed up when he realized the change of demeanor between his friends. But the Chinese guy knew better than to leave the two so he stayed by Mark’s side. When they were still in the Dream, Renjun was always be the mediator because he could keep his head cool and stayed composed even during the critical situation.

“Nana, no, wait—“

Donghyuck was about to pull Jaemin but Jeno caught him just in time and pulled him against his body, caging him with his strong arms while patting his back reassuringly. The smaller’s breath hitched as he saw Mark and Jaemin before each other’s now. He watched with bated breath as they started to talk and it made him frustrated because he couldn’t hear them.

“Jeno-ya, they—“

“Ssh,” Jeno shushed him gently. “Don’t worry. Jaemin knows better than to confront Mark hyung right now. Today is the big day. He wouldn’t have the heart to ruin it. Believe him.”

Donghyuck wanted so badly to approach them but Jeno trapped him with his well-built body. But he was right. Jaemin would never to that—not in their concert day.

Donghyuck frowned and pursed his lips. “You mean he will confront Mark after the concert?”

“Definitely,” Jeno replied casually as he pulled away. His eyes turned into crescent as he smiled at the smaller. “You know how Jaemin is. But don’t worry. He doesn’t actually hated him. He is a softie inside. He’s playing his role as a good best friend for you.”

Donghyuck sighed in defeat. Again, Jeno was right. Jaemin might hadn’t fully forgive Mark yet but he could never hate the latter either. They’ve spent so many years together and it was because a miscommunication that led them to this situation. And deep down, Jaemin respected Mark and looked up to him.

Jeno dragged Donghyuck to Jisung and Chenle who were playing with Noah as a way to distract the smaller. And it did work because as soon as Noah reached his hands out for Donghyuck, the smaller instantly forgot everything.

Five minutes before the concert started, Ten and Dream took Noah with them to the venue to get ready. Before going on to the stage, the ten of them crowding around each other, hands over each other’s shoulders, and yelled their slogan at the top of their lungs. When they filed out of the room together, Donghyuck caught Mark’s eyes. Their gazes locked for a few heartbeats. It was Mark who smiled at him first. And then, Donghyuck smiled back; genuine and honest this time.

After seven years, they were finally on the same stage together again. Just for today, they would forget about the past and gave their best performance to their fans. 

 

* * *

 

The concert had lasted for three whole hours and it went by without a hitch. By the time the lights faded to black and it was the time to step down the stage, no one could hold back anymore and burst into tears together. They still couldn’t believe that this moment was really happening but at the same time, they were glad and happy that it went successfully. When they came back to the dressing room, eyes red and cheeks wet from the fresh tears, they cried again when their families and friends congratulated them, telling them how proud they were of their achievements.

After the chattered had died down and it was the time for them to attend the after party, Donghyuck who was packing his thing into the bag stopped his movement when he felt something was missing. His lifted his hand and brought it to his neck, gasping in shocked as he finally realized that his necklace wasn’t there. He frantically roamed his hand around his upper body, desperately trying to convince himself that maybe the necklace was stuck on his clothes. But after a few minutes, he still couldn’t find it. His eyes stung with fresh tears as the thought of losing something very precious for him started to fill his mind. He must have looked so lost and distressed because the members started to notice it.

“Donghyuck, are you okay?”

Renjun who stood close to him put his arm around his shoulder, looking at him worriedly. Donghyuck couldn’t bring himself to answer him. His mind went blank. His necklace was gone and Donghyuck had to find it. He couldn’t afford to lose it.

Renjun’s grip on his shoulder tightened and he became alarmed as he saw tears spilling out of Donghyuck’s eyes, rolling down his cheeks.

“Donghyuck, hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“I—I have to go.”

 Donghyuck shrugged Renjun’s grip and ran out of the room, ignoring the startled scream of his name from the others. He ran back to the venue, passing some staffs who were currently cleaning up the arena and some were packing up the equipment. He still had a little hope and kept convincing himself that his necklace was probably fell off when he was on the stage.

Donghyuck was so used to never taking it off that it didn't occur to him that it might fall after dancing and bouncing crazily on the stage earlier. He didn't know how he managed to ask the staff to let him get inside the venue again. His mind was a jumbled mess as he ran over to the stage and searched frantically, his eyes blurred with tears as he kept on looking for the necklace. It was the only thing he had after Mark left him and he treasured it more than anything.

Donghyuck kept searching and running around the stage and he even went down in case it got thrown away. His head hurt. His heart hurt. And his legs finally gave up as he fell down on the ground. Tears streaming down his face as he let out a strangled sob. His stomach dropped as the reality slowly sank in. He couldn't believe that he lost his necklace. And it was gone now. Donghyuck would never see it again. He cried harder as he clutched his chest. It felt so wrong and empty not having it there. Like something important was missing from his life, leaving a deep hole inside his heart.  

Donghyuck didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the ground and crying his heart out. It was when he heard footsteps approaching that he finally lifted his head and his heart ached at the sight of Mark. Why did he had to show up right now when Donghyuck felt like he had been torn in two, his heart aching painfully, and when he was feeling utterly lost after losing the most precious thing in his life?

Mark knelt on one knee before him. He was breathless, face still thick with make-up, small beads of sweat formed on his face, and his damp hair stuck to his forehead. He looked worried and alarmed as he took in the sight of a crying Donghyuck.

“Donghyuck, what’s wrong? Are you hurt everywhere? Please, tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.” 

Donghyuck wished he could tell him directly that a lot was wrong. The past seven years wasn't easy at all for him. Donghyuck wished he could forget his past with Mark but deep down he knew he couldn't let go. He was aware that no one could never be connected to him in any way like how he was with Mark. The moment he set his eyes on Mark again after seven years, it was when the spark inside him ignited.  Donghyuck wanted him more than he wanted to hate him and that was the problem. His throat instantly closed. More fresh tears spilled out from his eyes. There was no way he could tell him that the necklace was gone now. They might be not together anymore but Donghyuck wasn’t the one who treasured the ring. He trusted him to keep it. It would break him too if he knew that Donghyuck had lost it.

“M-Mark—“ he said, but stopped himself. He didn’t know what to say. What should he do now?

Things were never certain between them ever since they met again. They tried to walk on a safe path because they knew what it felt like to fall off a cliff once and wouldn't want the second time to happen. But at this moment, losing his necklace felt so much like he'd almost fallen off a cliff again and he needed something to hold on. Someone. Mark. He needed Mark. So he reached out for him and held him close, so close their chest pressed together and their heartbeats beating rhythmically. Mark sucked in a sharp breath, not expecting Donghyuck’s sudden action, but he cradled his head against his chest as gentle as he could as if he was afraid that Donghyuck might leap away.

Donghyuck could feel something was almost over.

He squeezed Mark. _I’m afraid_.

And Mark squeezed him back. _I’m here_.

 

* * *

 

Mark had texted the others to go without them because he needed to take Donghyuck home. He didn’t exactly tell them what happened and told them not to worry. Taeyong almost cancelled the after party but Mark begged him not to do it. He knew the leader was worried about them but he was also aware that Donghyuck needed some time alone.

After Donghyuck’s cry subsided into small sobs, Mark helped him up and Donghyuck didn’t let any protest when he held him by the elbow, making sure he didn’t fall because the smaller could barely walk.

It felt like forever when they were finally pulled into the driveway. Mark opened the door for Donghyuck and let him walked first. He followed right behind him, watching his steps because he was afraid the smaller might trip over something.

Donghyuck’s head was pounding so hard and he barely had energy left. He just wanted to go inside and go to sleep. He almost made it to the front door when suddenly a broad chest pressed against his back and strong hands wrapped around his waist.

He gasped loudly. “ _Mark._ ”

Mark nuzzled his neck, breathing in his scent. Donghyuck's body responded to the proximity of the familiar warm heat almost immediately and his chest expanded on a ragged breath as he tried to get free but Mark won't let him. The latter pressed their bodies harder, tightening his grip around the smaller. There was a strong urge to put his hand on top of Mark's, to sink even deeper into his warm embrace, the place where he secretly so desperately wanted to be but Donghyuck fought it. Instead he froze, his mind numbing. 

“Let me go, Mark,” Donghyuck's voice surprisingly came out steady but inside he was anything but calm and steady.

“I'm sorry,” he said, voice trembled with a wave of emotions. “I'm sorry.”

Donghyuck's chest tightened. He opened his mouth to say something but found his voice was too gravelly and stopped. Mark slowly spun him around to face him but Donghyuck refused to look at him. His hand hesitantly reached up to tilt his chin up.

“Donghyuck, please look at me?”

Donghyuck still refuse to look at him.

" _Please_?"

It was the desperation in his voice that made Donghyuck finally lifted his eyes to meet his. Mark looked at him, his soul bared to those deep eyes that didn't let him hide anything. For the first time since they met again, Donghyuck could finally see the same eyes that used to look at him. There was so much regret, anger, and guilt in the look he gave him. But there was also love and affection there. A look Donghyuck had never expected to see again. An aching pain stabbed him in the heart. The hidden truth made his eyes stung with fresh tears. He just lost his necklace and now Mark looking at him like that. His eyes told them things that were hard to believe. Things he'd never really prepared for and it was just too much to take in.

Mark lifted one of his hands and brought it to Donghyuck's face, holding the side of his face with the gentlest touch as if he was afraid he might break him. Ever since he saw him again that day, he wanted so badly to catch him by shoulders and tuck his head into his neck because the smaller had always looked so fragile and close to falling apart. With each day that passed by, it was getting hard for Mark to maintain his distance. It killed him when Donghyuck was there, within his reach, yet he didn’t have the guts to reach out. But right now, Mark had had enough and he didn’t want to waste more time.

“It was my fault,” Mark whispered, his face twisted with intense pain and Donghyuck was slightly taken aback to see it. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You are more than enough. I’m the one who should try harder and be better. And you’re right, Donghyuck. I’m a fucking coward and for the last seven years I’ve never stop hating myself for what I did to you. I’m so, so sorry.”

There was an open honesty in his eyes and Donghyuck didn't know what to think or do right now. He just stared at him and when Mark leaned down to press his forehead to his, he didn't flinch or try to get away. He closed his eyes, feeling their breath mingled.

“I just... I don't understand,” he whispered tiredly. “And I'm hurt.”

“I know,” Mark replied, his voice was barely a whisper. His fingers brushed the hair from Donghyuck's face. “I will explain everything to you. But right now, please let me fix things between us. Please give me another chance to fix you.”

Donghyuck exhaled roughly and his eyes squeezed shut. The back of his throat burned. He was shaking, overwhelmed by the knowledge of how much he needed this, how much he needed him. For once Donghyuck couldn't even lie to himself. He'd been dreaming about this for as long as he could remember. He dreamt to be in his arms again and felt his body against his. Now it was happening and Donghyuck thought that he was dreaming. Everything seemed unreal for him. It didn't look real. But Donghyuck knew he just couldn't give in. The damage of their broken relationship was too painful to ignore and forget. At the other hand, he knew there were too many untold stories between them and he needed to know.

“I know that you probably never going to trust me again,” Mark spoke again, his voice was full of sorrow. “I deserve it and I know that it’s the price I have to pay. But please let me try again, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck wasn't able to answer him verbally but he didn't push Mark when the latter pulled him into his chest, holding him so tight that he almost squeezed the air out of his lungs. It felt so right that there was no way for Donghyuck to stop the tears now. They came in a hot flood, blurring his vision and closing his throat. Mark nuzzled his hair, whispering a faint 'I'm sorry' over and over again like a broken record. Donghyuck didn't reciprocate the hug, his hands were on both of his sides but he buried his face in the crook of his neck, willing himself to sink deeper into his embrace.

 

* * *

 

 

Mark seemed like he didn’t a have plan to let go of Donghyuck even though they’ve been standing there for minutes now. And the reason why he didn’t move was because the smaller actually fell asleep in his arms while standing. He must have been exhausted that he was out within seconds, something that made Mark’s heart warm all over because it reminded him of young Donghyuck who could sleep everywhere and anywhere. He just needed someone or something to lean on to fall asleep.

Mark looked down at him and his stomach knotted. Donghyuck looked so tired. The bags under his eyes were prominent and under the bright light of the hall, Mark just noticed that Donghyuck’s cheeks had sunken. His mochi cheeks were gone. He wasn’t glowing like how he used to be. And Mark knew that it was his fault for making the younger look like that. It made him hated himself even more.

Their small moment broke when Mark heard someone gasped loudly. He turned around and found Doyoung and Johnny only several feet away from them. The two of them looked bewildered to find Mark and Donghyuck in such position in front of the dorm’s door. Taeyong must have sent them to check on the couple.

Mark winced when he noticed the alarmed look in their face. They looked equally shocked but there was also a hint of protectiveness as they looked at the way Mark held a sleeping Donghyuck in his arms.

“What is going on here?” Johnny asked, not moving from where he was standing. He was always the chill and laid-back type of person. He never butt into someone’s else business. He was always patient and it took a lot to get him worked up. But right now Johnny looked pissed as he took in the disastrous sight of Donghyuck. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Mark Lee, did you hurt him again?”  

Mark could feel a shiver ran down his spine as Johnny locked him with a cold gaze. He let out a strangled noise at the blunt question, his eyes wide and his nostrils flared up in panic.

“God, no, hyung!” he cried out, but then he lowered his voice because Donghyuck stirred in his arms. Knowing that it must have felt uncomfortable to sleep while standing, he carefully picked the smaller up bridal style, extra careful not to move him too much. Donghyuck instinctively nuzzled his face in Mark’s neck.

Another gasp was heard and Doyoung looked like someone just splashed cold water to his face.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, flabbergasted. “You two just disappeared and missed the after party. Taeyong couldn’t stop fussing over the two of you and now look what we found. What happened?”

Mark let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a douchebag,” Mark said, frowning to himself. “Something happened. We talked and I asked him to give me another chance.”

Johnny pursed his lips meanwhile Doyoung still looked confused. If Taeyong and Doyoung took the mother role for Donghyuck, then it was Jaehyun, Johnny, and Yuta who took the father role. Mark almost forgot how protective they were of Donghyuck. He was lucky Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Yuta weren’t here. If they knew, Mark didn’t even want to know what they would do to him. It was very generous of his brothers not to pry or ask anything ever since his arrival to Seoul even though he knew they were dying to know.

Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose, still not amused with the situation. “You know it’s obvious that the two of you are still very much in love with each other. Anyone can see that. We’re not blind. We can see through your façade. I love you both but you hurt Donghyuck and as his brother, I have to make sure you won’t do it again.”

“We want the two of you to be happy,” Doyoung added, his expression turned sullen. “But it’s clear that you have a lot to do to mend his broken heart. I swear to God, Mark Lee, if you hurt him again, you’ll have to face me.”

“You’re lucky Yuta isn’t here. He will definitely skin you alive if he sees this.” Johnny sassed and it made Mark cowered to see his hyung lost his composure. But he was right. Taeyong and Jaehyun were patient and more relent. Yuta was another story. He wouldn’t hesitate to jump at Mark’s throat if he did something to Donghyuck again.

“He wasn’t happy for a very long time and it made us unhappy too,” Doyoung said after a moment of silence. He looked tired as he looked at the pair. “If you are serious about him then do your best to fix everything.”

Mark nodded gravelly. He understood where they were coming from and it was understandable why they didn’t trust him again. He didn’t give them a lot to trust but he was determined to change that. 

“I understand,” Mark said, his tone low but firm. “I promise you that I will do this right. For him.”

“You better be. Now get him inside and tuck him to bed. Doyoung and I will be back there and give you both some privacy.”

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck woke up feeling groggy and dazed. He didn’t know what time it was because the room was dark and he could barely see. He shifted a little and that was when he realized a familiar heat behind him. His body stiffened as he could feel Mark’s breathing on his neck, his broad chest pressed against Donghyuck’s back, and his hands wrapped securely around his waist. Donghyuck could tell from his breathing that Mark was sleeping.

Donghyuck tried to stay still and control his breathing. He was still grieving over his necklace and he was still confused of what to do. He had a lot of reasons why this was supposed to be wrong and that he should quickly slip out of his embrace. There was nothing between them. They were just ex-boyfriends. Yes, they talked and Mark had asked for another chance, but it didn’t make things magically okay. They still needed time. Their relationship won’t be fixed immediately, not right now, not right away. But at the same time, having Mark’s heat enveloping him like a warm blanket made something twitch inside him, something deep and old. He still couldn't believe this sometimes; being here, seeing him. Yet the feeling went on and for a brief moment he felt sixteen again. Felt as he hadn't in years. Being close with each other again felt very easy and natural as breathing.

A long time minute passed before Mark finally shifted a little and Donghyuck was aware that he was awake now. 

“Are you going to punch me?” Mark asked in a low voice, his warm breathing hitting his skin, making shiver moved through him.

“What for?”  

“For being such a dick. For making you miserable. For shamelessly asking for another chance. And for spooning you now.”

A pause. “Should I?”

“You should.”

“If I punch you, will you let me go?”

Mark instantly tightened his hold around his waist, pulling him flush against him. He nuzzled his neck as he whispered, “Never again.”

Donghyuck sighed tiredly. He knew that they couldn’t talk right now. Today was enough. They couldn’t take more than this. They needed time and space. But there was something in the very back of his head that he’d been dying to ask for years now. He kept thinking about it and he couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Was it because of someone else? The reason why you left me?” he blurted out, feeling his heart clenched painfully just by thinking of the possibility.

“God, no, Donghyuck,” Mark replied, his tone was high and hysterical. “I would never cheat on you.”

Mark carefully turned Donghyuck’s body on his back and almost instantly climbed on top of him, his strong arms trapped his small figure. Donghyuck's blood was rushing and for a moment he couldn't find his strength to push him, too stunned with the sudden intimacy.

“Donghyuck,” Mark said in a deep and firm voice. His lips twitched and his eyebrows knitted. He was clearly unhappy and upset at himself. But the way he looked into Donghyuck’s eyes showed his determination. “I know what I did to you was awful. I have a lot to explain to you. It was my fault. Not yours. But never ever think that the reason why I left was because of someone else. It was anything but _that_. There’s no one else who could make me love them the way I love you. It’s still you, it always has been you, and it will always be you.”

It felt as if the dam had broken and Donghyuck couldn't hold back anymore. Everything hurt. And up close, Mark was warm and smelled so much like their old days when things were fine and they were still in each other's arms. He was still more alive than everything in his life. He still smelled like home and it made Donghyuck burst into tears.

“ _Baby_.”

Donghyuck sobbed his heart out until he couldn't breathe. Mark didn't say anything, gently wiping the tears away from his cheeks. He held his face carefully and tenderly as if he was touching something that might fall apart in his hands, as if he was holding the most precious thing in the world. Donghyuck's mind was hazy as Mark nuzzled the side of his face and then their mouths fell together, already soft and open. The moment Mark's lips touched Donghyuck's, something inside him came undone. His lips were firm yet soft and gentle against his and his teeth scarped across his lower lip. The taste of Mark, a hint of rich black coffee, toothpaste, and aftershave, flooded Donghyuck's senses. His whole body quivered and he clutched his hair and pressed himself closer. When Mark pulled away slightly, Donghyuck made a noise like it hurt.

“Baby,” Mark whispered, holding his face tenderly. Their foreheads touched and their breath mingled. “I missed you. Missed you so much.”

Mark started to kiss his nose, his cheeks, the corner of his mouth, and his jaw. At that moment, Donghyuck realized that nothing really changed. Mark was still the only one he wanted and needed in life. He still wanted him to be the only person who was going to drive on those overnight road trips. He was still the one who was going to stand next to him on stage. The one he wanted to see when he woke up. The one he wanted to share everything with. And he was still the one he needed to be happy.

Donghyuck sobbed.

_Mark, Mark, Mark_.

He was here.  

“Mark,”

Donghyuck reached up and touched his shoulders, the back of his hair, then the top of his ear, rubbing them between his finger and thumb. And then he touched his face too, cupping his jaw.

“Mark.” he said again and felt relief blew through him like a ghost.  

Donghyuck whispered his name over and over again and it sounded so right. He couldn't think of anything else. He could only call his name. He had been denying his feelings for so long now that it felt as if the heavy weight on his heart was slowly disappear just by calling his name. He was here, right there with him.

“I'm here, baby,” he pressed a tender kiss to the corner of his lips, voice thick with emotions. “I'm here now.”

Donghyuck's chest tightened and more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“You're here.”

Mark whispered a soft, “I’m here.” before leaning down again to capture his lips with his. He kissed him like he knew exactly who he was. He kissed him like he'd been waiting for him, his grip angling the smaller just the way he wanted. Donghyuck felt alive. He made him felt alive again.

Donghyuck held him by the face so he couldn't pull away as he silently telling him that he was ready to give him a chance.

Mark kissed him even harder. He got the message; loud and clear.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck woke up thinking that he couldn't remember the last he felt so warm, secure, safe, and so in love. It felt like he'd been dreaming of something good, something unreal, and it might gone when fell back to sleep again. But the broad chest that pressed against his back emitting a familiar warmth and the hands that wrapped securely around his waist were real. He was aware of Mark's breath brushing against his nape, sending whispers of electricity through him. Mark was being the big spoon and Donghyuck was too comfortable to even move. So, it wasn't a dream, even though it almost seemed too real to be true. He opened his eyes and blinked to see a clear yellow light streaming through the window.

“Good morning, my love,”

Mark's voice was deep and rough from sleep. He inhaled Donghyuck's scent, his lips pressed against his skin, trailing kisses on his shoulder. His fingers slipped underneath the smaller's loose t-shirt and he carefully pressed his palm over his soft tummy, tracing patterns on his skin. Donghyuck couldn't help but shudder. Mark's touches were soft, light, and attentive. It was as if he was trying to study Donghyuck all over again. Mark's lips were on Donghyuck's hair now, breathing him in and the smaller couldn't help but blush because it felt so intimate. It had been years since the last time he was this intimate with someone else.

“How was your sleep, love?”

Donghyuck let out a deep sigh and hummed, absorbing Mark's touches that made his skin tingled. It had been awhile since he woke up feeling giddy and simply happy with Mark's arms around him. He almost forgot how it felt like to be pressed closely against his, feeling his chest moved with every breath that he'd taken. He listened to his heartbeat that mixed with his and it made him thought that they were somehow connected. It made him felt at ease and easy.

“It was good,” he said. "How's yours?”

“Perfect,” he replied, his lips moved to Donghyuck's ear, kissing it lightly. The smaller squirmed, giggling. Mark slowly turned Donghyuck around so he could see his face. They were so close now, their breath mixed. Donghyuck was gazing at him. Mark looked so peaceful with a smile decorated his face. It was unguarded, relaxed, and sated. Donghyuck reached out and placed his hand in his face, making Mark let out a soft sigh as the smaller's palm made a contact with his skin. Mark closed his eyes as Donghyuck traced his sharp jaw, feeling strangely giddy as he could feel his stubbles scrapped his skin. There was an unexpected electricity that flowed through him, amazed that even after years, he still got the fluttery sensation in his stomach when he touched him. He stroked his face and it nearly overwhelmed him. He didn't know why but for some reasons he felt the need to make sure everything was real.

“Is this okay?” Donghyuck asked, his voice was barely audible but it was loud enough for Mark to hear. The latter had both of his eyes closed, basking in Donghyuck's touches.

“More than okay,” he replied without opening his eyes. “Keep going, love.”

Donghyuck swiftly brushed the length of his cheekbone with his fingertips, it was more prominent than before and his lips pursed slightly at that. Mark had gotten bigger and buffer but it was clear that he needed to eat more. He had lost some weight and Donghyuck made a mental note to make sure he ate enough. He lightly trailed his finger to the corner of his lips, brushing it with a feather-light touch that made Mark shudder slightly. Donghyuck stared at Mark and caught him in a happy and unguarded moment, a state of being he hadn't seen for a while now. And it made him happy to see him happy. Donghyuck wanted to stay like this forever. He wanted to hear his voice, to feel his arms around him, keeping him safe and grounded. Donghyuck stopped touching him and after a heartbeat or two. Mark opened his eyes and stared back him, his gaze warm and tender.

“Can I touch you, too?”

Donghyuck's heart hammered in his chest and he nodded, not trusting himself to utter a single word. Mark slowly pushed him to his back and climbed on top of him. The smaller spread his legs to Mark could settle in between his thighs. He wrapped his hands around his neck, playing with the back of his hair. Mark dipped his head down to kiss his forehead, the space between his eyebrows, the tip of his nose, his cheeks, down to the corner of his mouth. Donghyuck sighed happily as he slid his fingers into his hair, cradling the back of his head.

“Your skin is still soft like a baby,”

Donghyuck wrinkled his nose. “It's not. I'm getting old.”

Mark chuckled.

“You're not that old, love. And you always look beautiful to me.”

Donghyuck let out a whine.

“It's still too early for this kind of conversation, you sap.”

“Your sap,”

Donghyuck laughed and Mark kissed everything that moved. He pecked his lips, down to his chin, and then his neck, nuzzling his nose against his throat. Mark's hair tickled Donghyuck's jaw and he leaned down to kiss the top of his head the way he always kissed him. His hair didn't smell like shampoo. It just smelled like Mark, his Mark. And Donghyuck loved it.

“Your tummy is so fluffy, too. Like a marshmallow.”

“Are you insulting me for not having abs like you?”

This time, it was Mark who laughed. Donghyuck hadn't heard him laughed for years now and he didn't think twice as he pulled him up and sealed their lips together. Mark let out a gasp of surprise but it didn't take long for him to take over the control. His firm lips moving gently, his tongue dipping into his mouth, lightly touching and teasing with velvet licks. Donghyuck groaned into Mark's mouth, deepening their kiss. Their tongues stroking, their breaths quickening. The kiss was overwhelming and it made Donghyuck gasp, sweeping away by Mark's passion and the beloved feel of his weight pressing into him into the soft mattress.

A knock on the door broke their kiss and Mark made a noise as if he was hurt as he pulled away, panting slightly. He buried his face in Donghyuck’s neck, trying to calm his wild heartbeats.

Another knock on the door.

“Donghyuckie, sweetheart, is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah, hyung!” he choked out, blushing as his voice cracked at the end.

“Can you come down and help me with breakfast?”

“Sure, hyung. I’ll come downstairs in a minute.”

“All right. I’ll be waiting.”

They waited until Taeyong left the door and his footsteps became faint. Mark tightened his hold around Donghyuck, still not wanting to let go.

“Come on, Mark,” he coaxed the big baby. “We need to get up.”

“Should we?”

“The others must be really worried of us for not showing up at the after party. We need to tell them about us, too.”

Us. The word just slipped from Donghyuck’s mouth and he was stunned by how easily he said it. Mark finally lifted his head again and he was smiling now, bright and blinding. It was clear that he liked the word, too.

“Okay,” he said, leaning down to peck Donghyuck’s lips once. Twice. “Let’s go.”  

After quickly washing up, they came downstairs together, hand in hand—Mark was the one who insisted it because he wanted to test the water. He wanted to know the members’ reaction without having to verbally tell them. Personally, he expected for the worst because he knew he was at fault here. But if he were to be honest with himself, after his talk with Johnny and Doyoung, the next challenge was Yuta, Taeyong, and Jaehyun. Mark loved his members equally because they were like his brothers. But Taeyong and Jaehyun were the ones who spent a lot of time with Donghyuck. He knew his break up with Donghyuck affected them the most and now it felt like asking for approval from the smaller’s parents.

As they descended down the stairs, Donghyuck suddenly stopped and made Mark halt his steps too.

“What?” he asked. “Is something wrong?”

Donghyuck chuckled as he smiled. “That should be my question. What’s wrong?”

Mark exhaled, pushing his hair back from his eyes with his free hand, his eyes unfocused.

“I’m worried about their reaction,” he replied honestly, chewing his bottom lip—a little gesture he did when he was nervous or anxious. “Especially Taeyongie hyung and Jaehyunie hyung. God, Yuta hyung might kill me too.”

Donghyuck chuckled.  “They’re probably not going to approve us again because of what you did to me was simply awful and unforgiving.”

Mark instantly blanched, earning a giggle from the smaller. He frowned and after a moment he finally realized that the smaller was only joking. He gave him a light punch in the shoulder, sighing in relief.

“You know I’ll believe you if you said so,” Mark murmured, still feeling insecure. “After all, what you said was right.”

Donghyuck tsked as he took a step forward, tilting his head up so he could see him in the eye. He lifted his hand to his face, holding his jaw gently. Mark instinctively leaned on his touch.

“I’m sure they will understand,” he said in a gentle voice, stroking his cheek to calm him down. “They love us and only want the best for us. They never once interfere our relationship and always silently supporting us. You still have to gain their trust though. But other than that, I’m pretty sure they won’t mind. If you want our relationship to work out again, you need to be confident.”

Mark let out a sigh and smiled. He covered Donghyuck’s hand that was still on his face with his and kissed his palm softly.  

“You’re right. I’ll try, love. For you.”

Donghyuck couldn’t fight a blush that began to color his cheeks, still trying to get used with the nickname. Mark seemed pleased with what he saw because his smile was getting broader and his face instantly brightened. Donghyuck just scoffed in favor of masking his embarrassment and tugged the latter to continue walking.

As soon as they were at the downstairs, everyone was already there. The first ones who notice their presence were Jungwoo and Sicheng, who looked clearly taken aback when they saw their linked hands. Jungwoo looked like he wanted to jump at them but he held himself back and gave them the brightest smile instead, making Mark invisibly relaxed at that. Sicheng was more composed. He looked calm as he gave them a knowing smile. By the look on his face, it was clear that he knew that at some point, they were going to come around.  

Johnny, Yuta, and Taeil were playing with Noah in front of the big television. Taeil was the first one to catch them and when his eyes traveled down to their linked hands, he was quiet for a moment. He looked thoughtful and Mark tightened his grip in Donghyuck’s hand, afraid of what might come. But then, Taeil smiled and nodded at them. Mark almost forgot just how supportive his hyung was and smiled gratefully in return.

Johnny and Yuta looked up almost at the same time. Johnny was in his best state, composed and chill. He looked at them with kind eyes and nodded. It almost made Mark wanted to jump over to his brother and gave him the biggest hug for being such a supportive brother. Yuta, on the other hand, raised one eyebrow and his lips twitched. He still looked composed but Mark knew that he was alert right now. He didn’t give any response and it made him instinctively move closer to Donghyuck, which almost made Yuta rise from his feet but Johnny held him with a single firm shake of head. That made the Japanese guy back down but his scrutinizing eyes never left him.

“Let’s go to the kitchen.” Donghyuck said after a tense moment of silence, tugging Mark with him. The latter knew he had to face Yuta sooner or later but right now he had another problem to deal with.

Taeyong and Jaehyun were standing next to each other before the counter, working in sync—their dynamic was always so good. Donghyuck could feel Mark was shaking next to him and he tightened his grip, scooting closer until their shoulders touched.

Mark cleared his throat to get their attentions.

“Hyung.” he called, his voice wavered a little.

Taeyong and Jaehyun looked up at the same time and they surprisingly didn’t even flinch or looked surprised when they saw them holding hands like that, which made the couple taken aback with their reaction, especially Mark who had been expecting the worst from them. There was an understanding look in their eyes that told them that they knew—they always have. Mark didn’t doubt their love for them but seeing them so open and accepting made him wanted to run to their arms and cry like a child. And it seemed like they knew exactly that because Taeyong’s face softened and his lips stretched into his signature mother smile.

“Come here, you baby lion.” Jaehyun let out a small chuckle and beckoned him with his hand, his fatherly smile made Mark’s eyes stung with fresh tears. “Our arms are always open for you, too.”

Donghyuck nudged Mark’s shoulder with his head, encouraging him. “Go on, Mark. It’s okay.”

It was enough for Mark to let go of Donghyuck’s hand and took big steps torward Jaehyun and Taeyong who were waiting for him. It was Jaehyun who opened his arms and Mark threw himself at him, feeling himself melted into the warm embrace. All of the burden on his shoulders was finally gone and he could finally breathe easily. He closed his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks and he buried his face deeper in Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he choked out. “Thank you for always being supportive to us.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, really,” Jaehyun ruffled his head gently. His touch reminded him so much of his own father. “It’s okay, Mark. We understand.”

“It must have been hard for you, too,” Taeyong whispered as he patted his back gently. “You know you can always talk to us, right? No matter how old you are, you’ll always be our little brother.”

“Yet most of the time you treat us like you guys treat Noah,” Donghyuck chimed from behind, smiling widely at them.

“Oh, shush,” Taeyong hushed him with a glare. “That’s because you two are our maknaes, okay? It’s only natural for us to dote on you.”

Mark finally let out a chuckle. Jaehyun patted his head for the last time before letting him go. Taeyong quickly stepped up and brought his hands to his face, holding it gently.

“Just promise me you’ll learn from your mistakes and don’t hurt him again, okay?” Taeyong said as he wiped his tears. “Next time, I’m not going to let you off the hook. Jaehyunie will be the one who’ll hunt you down if you break his heart again.”

Mark nodded his head firmly. “Yes, hyung. I promise I would never do that again. I won’t leave him again. Ever.”

Donghyuck let out a huff.

“Excuse me, I’m here,” he protested. “Stop talking as if I’m invisible!”

Taeyong just ignored him. He patted Mark’s cheeks gently and smiled.

“Good. I believe you.”

Everything was back to normal after that. Donghyuck and Mark ended up helping preparing dinner, even though Taeyong was very skeptical of Mark. But the latter insisted to set the table because that was the least he could do—they knew they could never trust Mark with knifes and vegetables.

A few moments later, Doyoung showed up in the kitchen with a bag of grocery in his hand. He didn’t immediately step in and his expression was unbearable. Taeyong stopped chopping down the vegetables and frowned at his best friend.

“Doyoungie, what’s wrong?”

Doyoung didn’t answer him but he looked at Mark, his lips pressed into a tight line.

“There’s someone who wants to meet you and she insists to come in—“

Before Doyoung could even finish his sentence, a girly and cheery voice interrupted him. Everyone turned as a girl who looked like in her mid-twenty appeared. She didn’t knowledge the others and walked straight to Mark who looked completely dumbfounded, standing frozen like a statue. And then she threw himself at him and kissed him on the lips in front of everyone.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck first instinct when he saw Mark being kissed by a gorgeous young woman was to run. He wasn't the type to get jealous easily but he was still vulnerable. He still hadn't recovered from the loss of his necklace. And his relationship with Mark was still shaky. For him to witness such scene made his chest twisted in pain. There was a dull roaring in his ears. He felt dizzy. Disoriented. Furious. But he was too tired to cry.

Donghyuck kept his head down as he pushed himself through the throng of people and walked on. He was walking with no direction or destination in mind. He didn't know how long he'd been walking aimlessly. With every step he took, he began to calm down and started to look around. He didn't know where he was right now but his legs hurt after walking for so long. He decided to walk over to the park nearby and settled himself on the swing. There weren't many people right now and Donghyuck was relief. The last thing he wanted was to deal with people and unwanted attention. It was risky enough to go out without a mask or a cap. He exposed himself to the public and someone might recognized him. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Not when the aching pain in his chest made him felt physically sick.

It felt like forever when Donghyuck felt his phone vibrated against him. He took the device out of his pocket and wasn't surprised to see Mark's name flashed on the screen. As much as he wanted to ignore him, he knew they needed to talk.

_“Hello?”_

_“Donghyuck.”_

Mark's voice didn't sound like him. He sounded anxious and his voice wavered. But it was clear that he was relief to hear Donghyuck’s voice.

_“Love, I need to find you. Can you share your location and send it to me?”_

Donghyuck exhaled slowly. When he spoke again, his voice was surprisingly steady and it didn’t give away his current emotions, which made him somehow proud of himself for keeping his composure.

_“Okay.”_

_“I'll find you and I'll explain everything. I promise. Wait for me, love, please?”_

It took Donghyuck for a moment before he finally replied, _“Okay.”_

Donghyuck hung up the phone and sat there, staring ahead. He knew Mark would come and find him. He always did. All he had to do was waiting for him.

 

* * *

 

Mark halted his steps, his heart was pounding as he took in the sight of Donghyuck. He heard nothing. Not even a sound of the busy streets or people around him, just the beat of his own heart. There Donghyuck was, sitting on the swing, staring back at him. He didn't cry, which was good news for Mark. But he looked so lost and fragile that it hurt Mark's heart to see him like that. Why did  he always end up hurting the one he loved the most?

Mark took a step forward. Another. And another again. His breath quickened as he was getting closer to Donghyuck. And then he stopped. His mouth was open, breathing heavily. He dropped on one knee, looking up at Donghyuck.

“ _Donghyuck_ ,” he whispered and felt relief flooded through him just by saying his name again. “I found you.”

Donghyuck just blinked at him. If his heart leaped at the sight of Mark, he didn't show it on his face. He stayed impassive. But his mind was so loud. There were so many questions and now that the moment had finally come, Donghyuck couldn't stop himself.

“You didn't leave me because of another person.” it came out as a statement rather than a question. Donghyuck hadn't planned it to be the first thing that escaped his lips, but it just felt so unsettling after he witnessed the earlier event.

Mark shook his head firmly.

“No,” he said, his voice held an absolute certainty. “She is my co-worker. She likes me and she has been trying to hit on me for years but I never gave in. Before I flew back to Seoul, I had a party with my friends. I was drunk and we kissed but I passed out after that. She thought I was finally gave her a chance. The next morning I explained to her that it meant nothing. I wasn’t in the right state of mind at that time. It wasn’t my intention to lead her on like that. I’ve apologized to her, too. I never expected her to come here and jump on me like that.”

Mark stopped to look up at the smaller, gauging his reaction. Now that the adrenaline from his anger had burned away, Donghyuck's mind was getting clear and he knew he wasn't lying. He might hurt right now but he knew him long enough to know his gestures. There was honesty in there. It was blunt, raw, and open for him to see.

“Then, why?” he asked, his voice cracked at the end. The wall of control that he had carefully maintained dropped from his face, and pain, hurt, anger, and sorrow showed in it. He felt fresh tears building in the back of his throat as he looked back at Mark.

“Why do you leave me? Please just tell me the truth. I don’t think I can’t handle this anymore, Mark.”

Mark swallowed thickly, his eyes stung with unshed tears. He wanted to reach out for his hand but he knew he wasn't allowed to—not until Donghyuck allowed him to. He hadn't told him the truth. There were so many things he needed to say. Mark hadn't told him just how much he loved him. He hadn't told him that the only thing that matter the most in his life was him. He hadn’t told him that he was sorry for everything. He was a coward before and he wanted to fix it. He wanted to fix things. Fix him. Fix them. He'd caused enough pain, misery, and tears for the smaller.

“I was scared,” Mark started, his voice throbbed with emotions. “Things just went downhill after our contract was about to end. Suddenly I was afraid of the uncertainty. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, what I dreamed about. I was unhappy, confused, and scared. And then suddenly we grew apart and distant and I didn't how to reach out to you. I should have told you instead of ended things like that.”

“It wasn’t fair,” Donghyuck choked out, his eyes brimmed with fresh tears. “You didn’t think I was scared, too? I was fucking terrified. One thing that kept me going was the fact that I had you by my side. But then you were gone. What am I supposed to do, Mark?”

“I'm sorry,” Mark said, moving closer but still not touching him. “I didn't make it easy for you. For us. I screwed up and I could never forgive myself for what I did to you.”

“Were you planning to come back? After you left?”

“Every time,” he replied without missing a single beat, sinking his eyes into his as deeply as he could. “I've lost count how many plane tickets I've booked but every time I was at the airport, I always chickened out. I just couldn’t handle the thought of you hating me. You probably didn’t want to see me again. But then the reunion concert happened and I didn’t have another choice but to face you again. You didn’t know how happy I was when I saw you again. Something deep inside me felt alive again after a very long time and at that time I knew that I had to do something. I’ve never stop loving you and I never really tried to forget you. I’m so sorry it took me seven years to man up and fix things.”

By the time Mark stopped talking, he was breathless. Bile rose in his throat and he forced down a sob. He finally could let everything out. There were so many things he regretted but he knew he couldn’t go back to the past and fix it. What was ahead of him was the present and the future. And as he stared at Donghyuck, everything became clear. Things wouldn't always be good. He could never predict the next five minutes with Donghyuck. It would always be unpredictable. He could never guess the ending. And he'd failed to see that it was one of the things that kept him alive. It made him anticipate the next day because he knew there was always something new to discover. Something new to learn. It could be bad or good but at the end of the day, Donghyuck was there. He was the only thing Mark could think of when he picture his future. It was everything he'd ever wanted in life. And it was perfect. He was perfect.

Donghyuck blinked at Mark. His lips wobbled and not being able to hold it anymore, a loud sob burst through his lips. Mark reached out for Donghyuck's hand and felt a rush of relief when the smaller met him halfway. He felt settled as he gripped his hand firmly, afraid to let go again. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispered, a tear rolled down his cheek. He lifted his free hand to hold Donghyuck’s face, wiping his tears away from his cheeks. “I'm sorry I couldn't turn back the time and fix the past. I wish I could but what I can offer right now are the present and the future. I will try harder and be better for you. I will do anything to make up for the past. I’ll give you everything you deserve.”

Mark let go of Donghyuck's hand to take something out from his pocket. And then after a heartbeat or two, he held out his hand and Donghyuck's hand flew to his mouth as he stared at the ring—his lost ring. It nestled safely on Mark's palm. The chain was gone and it was just the ring now, blinking at him. Donghyuck couldn't believe that he could see it again. He thought he'd lost it forever. But there it was. Mark had found the ring.

“You dropped it right before we got off the stage. I stepped on it actually and I couldn't believe when I found it. It was like the sign. I didn't tell you right away because I wanted to give it back to you when the time was right. I guess, it's now.”

Donghyuck dropped his gaze to the ring and something inside him sparked just thinking about having it on his finger again. The ring shone under the bright light of the sun, silently telling him what exactly he needed. What exactly he wanted. The past was already in the past but the future was going to happen. Donghyuck didn't know if he ever ready for it. At least he could make sure he was with the right person. Because that was the point of life. To find someone to share everything with.  

“Do you want to see if it fits? It’s been seven years since I had it on my finger.”

It wasn’t exactly an open acceptance but it was an invitation to another chance. Mark's heart thumped loudly as he took Donghyuck's left hand in his ever so gently and slid the ring into place on his third finger. The moment he had it back there, he knew that he did the right thing.

Donghyuck knew that he and Mark had made some mistakes and did some things they wished they could change. But it already happened. And it would pass too. Everything would be fine in the end. As Donghyuck stared at his finger, he knew they would be fine now.

“A perfect fit,” Mark said softly. “It looks very good on you.”

Donghyuck held out his palm and Mark immediately intertwined their hands. He gripped it fiercely and felt a rush of relief flooded through him. Finally, finally.  

“From now on, you have to tell me everything. What you're thinking. What you're worried about. What you want. Everything.”

“Can I tell you what I want for dinner tonight?”

A small laugh escaped Donghyuck's lips. He looked so beautiful and he was glowing like the sun. Mark stretched on his toes and touched his forehead against Donghyuck's, their noses bumped.

“Did you miss my Jjacheegye?”

“I missed everything about you. I couldn't get enough of you.”

Donghyuck held his face tenderly. “I'm here now.”

“We're gonna be okay.”

“I believe you.”

Mark tightened his hold around Donghyuck’s waist. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please.”

Mark dipped his head down to kiss Donghyuck, his mouth moving gently. This time, their kiss tasted like a ray of sunshine with a hint of hope and a new beginning. It would take time to heal and amend the already broken hearts and crushed dreams, but it was the start.

Until then, they had each other. And it was enough.

 

* * *

 

**EPILOG**

 

“Mark, what happened with your lips? Why it is bruised?”

“Uhm, Yuta hyung punched me?”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened. He cradled Mark’s face, carefully brushing the corner of his swollen lips with his fingers. He felt bad for not realizing it before.

“I’m going to punch him back.”

Mark shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I totally understand why Yuta hyung did that. I deserved it.”

“Well, maybe you do. But if anyone has to punish you, it’s me. Not anyone else.”

“I know, love,” Mark said, and he was smiling. He smiled a lot now. And Donghyuck liked to watch him looking so happy like that. “Both of us know that Yuta hyung is just worried about you. He probably had been waiting for the right time to punch me on the face. We’re good now.”

“Fine. I’ll forgive what he did to you. Only because I love him so much and understand where he was coming from.”

Mark took one of Donghyuck’s hands and kissed each of his fingers gently, his lips brushing where the ring settled safely on the smaller’s third finger and smiled.

“I can’t believe I almost missed this.”

“But you didn’t miss it. That’s what matter now.” Donghyuck said, smiling back at him.

“I almost did.”

“Don’t,” he stopped him with a gentle tone, brushing the hair back from his eyes. “We’ve been through it. Enough for now.”

“I’m not going to leave you. Even if I have to face Jaemin’s wrath later.”

“He might punch you,” he teased. “You can’t take another punch.”

“I can. For you, I will take as much punch as I can. If that’s what it takes to be with you, then I will do it.”

“You’re going to make me cry again,” he chocked, eyes brimming with fresh tears.

“No, don’t cry, love. Enough for now.”

Mark wiped the tears away from his cheeks, leaning forward to drop a kiss to the tip of his cute button nose, something he always did when they were still together. He then took his hand in his much larger one and squeezed. There was a silent inquiry in the touch, and the smaller looked down into his eyes.

Mark searched his gaze for a long moment, and then brought their joined fingers up to his mouth. His eyes were intense, never flinching, never leaving his face as he said, “If I can gain your trust again, if we are finally ready to start over, would you let me marry you?”

“ _What?_ ”

Donghyuck's heart stopped. Had he heard him correctly? But Mark didn't even blink. His eyes were burning with determination. Oh, God. He was dead serious.

“I'll invade your personal space.” he said, trying to give him an out. Or maybe he did himself a favor. 

“I've been sharing it with you for half of my life. I don’t mind sharing it with you for another half of my life.”

Mark lifted a shoulder, cool as could be, and gave him an easy smile meanwhile Donghyuck was so ready to burst. But the smaller couldn't deny the spark inside him. Hope kindled and ignited.

“I'll drive you crazy.” he whispered.

“Already done,” he said, “in the best possible way.” Mark ran a finger over his temple, gently pushing back a strand of hair. “I don't think I could handle another night coming home to an empty house and even colder bed. I want to come home to you every night, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck stared at him, knowing he'd never wanted anything so much in his entire life like he wanted Mark. Which made it simple, really.

“I'll take some time for me to be ready.”

“For you,” he said, “I believe I'd wait for as long as you want.”

“And if it takes forever?”

“Then forever will I wait for you, love.”

Donghyuck didn't doubt him. His knees were wobbling and it was a good thing that he was still sitting on the swing. Or else he would've already fallen on the ground. But even if he did, he knew Mark would be there to catch him.

Donghyuck leaned down to wrap his arms around his broad shoulders, pressing his face to his throat, and kissed him there. The position was slightly uncomfortable but he loved how Mark's arms tightened around him.

“Yes.”

“Yes to what?”

Donghyuck lifted his face and smiled.

“Yes. To everything.”

They knew it was the closest thing the smaller could say as 'I love you' and Mark caught his lips in his as a way to say 'I love you too'. 

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_hitmyheart) [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/_hitmyheart)


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